


You Know I love You

by elycianj



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Best Friends, Clexa, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartache, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Jealousy, Love, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, ranya, secretly in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:43:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elycianj/pseuds/elycianj
Summary: Clarke and Lexa have been best friends for a long time. And Lexa is secretly in love with Clarke. And Clarke, oblivious to her best friend’s feelings for her, is in a relationship with Finn. Lexa’s way to cope with that is sleeping with other girls. But all of that changes when something happened that made Lexa decide it’s best for her to move on from Clarke. And to do that, she needs to settle for just one girl and love her the way she loved—loves—Clarke. Clarke, although always telling her best friend to stop her games with different girls and try to find someone she can be serious with, doesn’t like when Lexa actually does just that.





	1. No, You Don’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first story ever made, and I'm glad it's about Clexa. English isn't my first language, so if you notice something not right, please let me know. I'm all about constructive criticism.

**CHAPTER 1: No, You Don’t.**

 

“Seriously, Lex. You have got to stop jumping on to different women every time you get.” Clarke says annoyingly as she reaches for the coffee in the cabinet. “Hey, Raven. Can you pass me the cream?” She sits beside Octavia who is eating her breakfast.

They are in Clarke’s apartment having breakfast. They spent the night there after deciding that they needed a girl’s night. And they came to stumble on this conversation when Clarke asked why Lexa was late the night before. Lexa gave her an honest answer, something Clarke obviously didn’t like.

“I’m a big girl, _mom._ Surely I can do what I want.” Lexa smirks, before taking a sip from her coffee. Raven and Octavia laugh at that. Clarke glares at the two, and rolls her eyes, ignoring Lexa’s snarky remarks. The two goes silent. She looks back at Lexa, who is seated in front of her, drinking her coffee.

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.” Clarke says seriously. Lexa just looks at her and shrugs.

 _‘Of course, you don’t. How could you?’_ Lexa thinks.

“You know you could settle for just one woman, right?” Clarke asks, though it’s more of a rhetorical question.

 _‘But none of them whom I want to settle with.’_ Lexa answers in her mind again.

“And really, three different women just this week?” Clarke asks unbelievably. And before she could stop herself, she blurts out something she instantly regrets. “What are you, a whore?”

Lexa, Raven, and Octavia, looks at Clarke with surprise and wide eyes. The difference is, Lexa immediately changes her expression from surprise to frown to blank. Raven and Octavia goes silent, whilst tension starts to build up between all of them.

Lexa takes the plate with pancakes on it and speaks without looking up. “Just mind your own business, Clarke. And I’d mind my own.” Lexa says firmly, dismissing the conversation.

Before Clarke could say another word, Finn enters the kitchen.

“Good morning, ladies.” Finn greets them, smiling. The tension decreases, and Clarke turns her attention to him. He approaches Clarke.

He wasn’t planning on letting his presence known when he got home, but when he heard that Clarke was reprimanding Lexa, he figured they needed saving. They are used to Clarke and Lexa’s bantering, but this conversation is obviously something Lexa doesn't want to talk about, and Clarke is pushing her. A conversation like this usually doesn’t end well. For anyone.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asks. Finn goes behind Clarke and hugs her from there.

“I live here.” Finn answers, as if offended. Clarke rolls her eyes.

“Obviously, I know that.” she says, “But you weren’t supposed to get home till later.” Clarke is still annoyed from the conversation she had with Lexa, and Finn knows that so he just chuckles.

“I was on my way to work when I remembered that I forgot to bring my laptop with me yesterday.” Finn says.

Finn lives in with Clarke, but he didn’t sleep there last night to let the girls have the apartment for themselves for the night. “And I miss you.” He says as he kisses the back of Clarke’s neck. Clarke turns her head around and Finn kissed her on the lips.

“Jeez guys, people are eating here. In the kitchen. Go get a room.” Raven jokes, and Finn just laughs and detaches himself from his girlfriend.

 “I've gotta go now,” Finn says whilst looking at his watch. He takes the bag he put on the side table when he entered the kitchen and goes back to Clarke. “I’ll see you later?” Finn asks Clarke. Clarke nods at him and smiles. Finn kisses her, and she kisses him back.

Lexa just continues to eat her breakfast, ignoring the stabbing pain she feels every time she sees Finn and Clarke together. Although Finn is a great guy, and he’s been nothing but good to her, Lexa can’t help but feel like punching Finn. She won’t do that, obviously.

Raven coughs, “Again, people. Eating.”

Finn says his goodbye, and leaves the house.

The ladies continue to eat their breakfast, while Raven keeps on saying stupid things and Octavia telling her to stop being stupid. Clarke tries to join in with their conversation, but not without noticing Lexa being silent and just smiling, barely, when all of them laugh at something. Clarke can’t help but feel guilty.

_‘Have I gone overboard? I didn’t mean to call her a whore…’_

_‘No, you’re just concerned about her. She’s your best friend. It’s normal to be concerned.’_

_‘But I called her a whore. God, I’m a terrible friend. And she’s right, it’s not my business. I shouldn’t tell her what to do and what not to. I should apologize to her. Yeah, I should do that. Later.’_

Clarke shakes her head. _‘I gotta to stop talking to myself.’_

***

After eating breakfast, Octavia left saying she’s needed at work. And Raven went with her saying that she needs to buy something—underwear. “What kind of reason is that?” Octavia scowls at her when they get in the car.

“What? I didn’t know what to say!” Raven says defensively.

Octavia isn’t really needed at work, and Raven doesn’t really need a new underwear. They just made that up to have a reason to leave the two alone. They know that Clarke and Lexa need to talk, after the very tense conversation earlier. They noticed Lexa’s silence whilst eating, but chose to ignore it, knowing only Clarke can talk her through.

Raven, Octavia, and Clarke have been friends since their middle school, and whilst Lexa came in the group three years after the trio became friends, it can’t be denied that Clarke and Lexa are the closest between the four of them. There was always that something between the two that no one can seem to figure out. An understanding that no one gets. Raven and Octavia pretends to be offended, but deep inside they know that Clarke and Lexa just have a special bond between them. They also have the gang that agrees with that. They’ve always been teasing the two for a long time, saying that if they didn’t know better, they’d think they’re in love with each other, but Clarke and Lexa just laugh at them, insisting that they could only just be best friends, nothing more. But the teasing decreased three years ago, when Clarke and Finn became a thing. The gang still teases them from time to time, and Finn never gets bothered with it, saying he understands that Clarke and Lexa are best friends and won’t do anything to destroy that.

“You could’ve said something other than needing to buy a new underwear.” Octavia rolls her eyes and starts to drive. “You think they’ll be fine?” she asks after a minute.

“I’m sure they will.” Raven answers. “But that was intense, wasn’t it?” Raven asks, remembering the things happened before Finn entered the kitchen.

“It sure was...” Octavia shakes her head.

***

Clarke is cleaning the table, contemplating on whether she should talk to Lexa now, who is currently washing the dishes, or wait until later. She decides to do the latter. After cleaning, she just sits on the stool by the island table and starts fiddling on her phone. She's not really using her phone, though. Instead, she was looking at the girl in front of her, whose back is facing her.

Lexa is a really beautiful girl, with long brown hair; jaws sharp; full lips; lean body; and Clarke’s personal favourite: those piercing green eyes that tells so much without its owner uttering a word. And whilst Lexa are all those things, Clarke is a beauty herself. Having a blonde hair and bright blue eyes; an inch or two smaller than Lexa; not so lean like Lexa, but beautiful nevertheless.

Clarke is drawn back from her thoughts when Lexa turns around and starts to walk past Clarke. Clarke immediately rises and takes Lexa’s wrist before the brunette could walk further.

“Lex..” Clarke calls gently. Lexa turns to look at Clarke and sighs.

“If you’re going to tell me to 'settle down', then I won’t be having this conversation, Clarke.” Lexa says.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry, okay?. Can we just sit down first?” Clarke says and pulls Lexa into the stool and sits on the other side of the island table in front of Lexa.

Clarke takes a deep breathe before speaking.

“I’m sorry about earlier...” Clarke says, looking straight at Lexa’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. It was really a bitchy thing to say…”

“Yeah, it was.” Lexa says bitterly. Clarke shifts on her seat. She really feels guilty.

“That’s why I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.” Clarke says softly, looking down at her hands on the table. Lexa can see that Clarke really regrets it, and though Lexa may have been hurt when Clarke called her a bitch, the pain won't be as much as it does when seeing Clarke like this. Lexa’s face softened.

She took Clarke’s hands in hers and sighs.

“It’s fine, Clarke.” Lexa says gently. Clarke looks at Lexa and her worries slowly disappearing when she sees Lexa’s smile. Clarke rubbed her thumbs on Lexa’s hands.

“You forgive me?” Clarke asks, pouting like a child, with puppy eyes. Lexa laughs at Clarke's childish behavior.

 _'Too much cuteness..'_ Lexa thinks.

“Yes, Clarke, I forgive you.” She says laughing, shaking her head.

Clarke grinned. “You just can’t resist me, can you?” Clarke says, laughing, too.

 _“_ What can I say? You know _I love you.”_ Lexa says, smiling, while looking straight at Clarke’s eyes.

“Yeah, I do.” Clarke smiles at her sweetly.

 _‘No, you don’t. At least not in the way I do.’_ Lexa thinks. She smiles back at Clarke and pushes away the thoughts that lingers her mind.


	2. But The Words Aren't Meant For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted two chapters at once to give you a taste of what will be happening throughout the story. Don't hate Clarke. Don't hate me. Enjoy! (or not)

**CHAPTER 2: But The Words Aren't Meant For Me**

Clarke enters their apartment and is just thankful that her long day has finally ended. She notices a bouquet of flowers on the corner table and a card with it.

_“Hey babe, can’t come home tonight. The manager gave me an assignment and I must get it done by tomorrow. I’m sorry. I bought food for you. Italian. It’s in the fridge, just heat it. I miss you already. I’ll see you tomorrow? I love you.”_

Clarke sighs and takes her phone. She sends a message to Finn before sending a group message to Lexa, Raven, Octavia, and Anya.

Anya is Lexa’s older sister. She wasn’t present on last girl’s night because of work.

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Hey guys, you busy? Got some Italian. Finn isn’t coming home, and I don’t really like the idea of eating alone._

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Sorry, princess. I can’t, got some work to do. Next time?_

 **_Raven_ ** _: Uhm, I would if I wasn’t naked on someone’s bed right now._

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Oh my god, Raven, really?! You being naked isn’t something I ever want to picture._

 **_Anya_ ** _: I can’t say the same…_

 **_Anya_ ** _: I can’t, Clarke. I’m…busy._

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Jesus Christ, you two._

 **_Raven_ ** _: Oh, come on, O, I was just being honest._

 **_Octavia_ ** _: You can be honest without being so vulgar._

 **_Raven_ ** _: Now where’s the fun in that?_

Clarke just smiles at the conversation. She’s doesn’t want to be rude, but really, she just wants the answer from a certain person in the group. And it’s neither from Octavia, Raven, nor Anya.

Her face beams when she sees what she’s waiting for.

 **_Lexa_ ** _: Never busy for you. :)_

Clarke can’t help but smile.

 **_Anya_ ** _: Really, Lex? I thought I heard someone being busy with someone else when I left an hour ago._

 **_Lexa:_ ** _Shut up, Anya._

Clarke doesn’t like that last two conversations, but just shrugs it off.

 **_Clarke_ ** _: I’m coming at your apartment. I’m bringing food. Make sure I don’t walk in on anything. See you!_

Lexa’s apartment is only fifteen minutes away from theirs, so twenty minutes later she’s already at Lexa’s door.

She has a key of Lexa’s apartment, but she doesn’t use it. She just knocks and Lexa immediately opens the door.

“Hey,” Lexa smiles at her and reaches to hug and kiss her on the cheeks. It’s something they’re used to doing ever since they became best friends.

“I hope you’re hungry.” Clarke smiles and offers the food.

“Famished.” Lexa smirks and Clarke just laughs.

They enter the apartment and went straight to the kitchen. Lexa puts the food in the microwave to heat it.

“So… she still here?” Clarke asks as she acts like looking for someone.

“What?” Lexa gives her a puzzled look and realizes what Clarke meant. “Oh.” Lexa just scratches her head. “No, uh, she left a while ago.”

“Good.” Clarke nods and Lexa just shakes her head, amused. “What?” Clarke asks.

“Nothing,” Lexa laughs. “You’re just cute when you’re being possessive of me.” Lexa says, laughing. Clarke’s eyes widen.

“Wha—” Clarke is about to protest when she realized that Lexa is just teasing her. She takes the box of the food and throws it at Lexa. Lexa catches it and together, they laugh.

They just finished eating and they are lounging on the couch watching a show on Netflix. Clarke is sitting with her head leaning on Lexa’s shoulder and arms wrapped on Lexa’s. She loves her body against Finn’s, but with Lexa, it’s quite different. She can’t explain it, but it's different. In a good way.

Lexa’s arms are numb, but she doesn’t care. It’s all worth it as long as Clarke is beside her like this, just so close to her. She looks down at Clarke and sees that she is focused on the show, her eyebrows frowned. Lexa smiles at the view. She’d do anything to stay like this forever. But no, she can’t be that selfish. Clarke has a life, has a boyfriend. It’s ridiculous to think that Clarke would agree on that.

Lexa just sighs.

_‘I should just be contented with what we have. We’re best friends. That can last forever.’_

She agrees at the thought and puts on a little smile. She kisses Clarke’s head and Clarke looks at her, worry on her eyes.

“Why?”

“Nothing.” Lexa shakes her head, smiling. “I’m just happy.”

Clarke laughs. “You’re weird sometimes, you know that?” she pinches Lexa’s nose. Lexa rubs it. She hates it when Clarke does that, but she lets her, anyway. “I’m happy, too.” Clarke says shortly after, with the sincerest smile. Lexa smiles back at her.

But of course, happiness doesn’t always last, and that is proven when Clarke’s phone rang.

It’s Lincoln. Why would Lincoln call her? Surely Lincoln must be at work this time of night. Clarke detaches herself from Lexa and rises from the couch. She answers her phone.

“Hey Linc, what’s up?”

“Clarke, Finn’s here.” Says Lincoln on the other line. Clarke frowns.

_‘I thought he’s working?’_

“What? Where?” Clarke asks confused.

“Here. At TonDC.”

TonDC is a nightclub owned by Lincoln, who is Lexa and Anya’s cousin. He’s also in a relationship with Octavia.

“He’s drunk, Clarke.” Concern evident in his voice.

“Okay, I’m coming. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, will you?”

“Yeah, sure.” Clarke ends the call and looks at Lexa.

“What happened?” Lexa asks worriedly.

“Finn. Apparently, he’s at TonDC, drunk.” Clarke said annoyed but worry evident in her voice. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

“No, it’s fine. Do you want me to come with you?” Lexa stands up from the couch.

“Are you sure?” Clarke asks.

“Of course. Finn’s my friend, too.”

Clarke smiles at that.

They drive going to TonDC using Clarke’s car. It’s half an hour away from Lexa’s. Once they arrive, they immediately look for Finn and see Lincoln waving at them, so they approach him.

“Where is he?” Clarke asks. Lincoln points at the bar and there Finn is, head lying on the table, unconscious.

“What happened?” Lexa asks Lincoln.

“I don’t know, he’s been here drinking for like an hour already. I tried stopping him, but he wouldn’t budge.” Lincoln answers.

They approach Finn, and Clarke goes on rubbing Finn’s shoulder.

“Hey, Finn.” Clarke calls. Finn slowly lifts his head and smiles when he sees Clarke.

“C-Clarke,” he says as he touches Clarke’s face.

“Hey, we should get you home.” Clarke says gently. “Can you get up?”

“Y-Yeah..” Finn tries to get up but fails and almost falls. Lincoln is fast to support him.

They are on their way Clarke and Finn’s apartment, with Lexa driving. She offered to drive, so that Clarke can sit with Finn at the backseat.

While driving, Lexa can’t help but hear Finn and Clarke at the back.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.” Finn says. He’s still drunk as hell and obviously doesn’t know what he’s saying and doing. He just keeps on muttering _sorry_ over and over again. He’s lying on Clarke’s lap. With Clarke holding him tightly as to avoid falling.

“It’s okay. It’s okay…” Clarke rubs his head. Finn took Clarke’s hand and put it on his mouth.

Lexa is watching them at the rear mirror, and the scene before her hurts her more than she can admit. But there’s nothing she can really do about it but ignore the stabbing pain she feels in her chest.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a mess.” Finn says while kissing Clarke’s hand.

“Yes, you are. And you’ll have to explain about it, tomorrow. Right now, just sleep, alright? I’ll wake you up when we get home.” Clarke says and continues on rubbing his forehead.

“Thank you.” Finn smiles. “I love you so much.” Finn kisses Clarke’s hand again.

For some reason, Clarke looks at the rear mirror and blue eyes meets green eyes. Lexa was the one to look away first, and a second later she hears Clarke say the words she always wanted to hear from those mouth.

 _“I love you, too.”_ Lexa looks back at the rear mirror, and sees Clarke looking at Finn.

_‘But the words aren’t meant for me.’_

Lexa feels like her heart stopped for a second, her eyes glistening with tears ready to fall. She looked away from the mirror and focused on her driving. Doing the only thing she’s best at—ignoring the pain, no matter how much it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? Because it was very difficult for me writing this chapter, but not as much as writing the next chapter. But please hang on still.. Leave comments :)


	3. Like Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa does something she's never done before. And the two most important women in her life try to handle her situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No actual Finn in this chapter. Just mentions of him, but still, yeyy!!

**CHAPTER 3: Like Old Times**

Lexa and Anya are on their way home from Clarke and Finn’s.

Before driving Clarke and Finn home, Lexa figured that she wouldn’t have a ride home, so she called Anya to tell her to come get her at Clarke’s in half an hour.

On the way back to their apartment, Anya was asking her what happened, and she just gave her short answers that she knows would satisfy Anya. The rest of the ride home was silent, and Anya knew that something else happened other than Finn’s inebriation. And she’s pretty sure it has something to do with a blonde girl named Clarke Griffin.

Anya keeps on stealing glances at Lexa on the passenger seat, who has her elbow on the window and hand supporting her head.

 _‘She looks really sad.’_ Anya thinks as she looks at her sister.

She hates it when Lexa is like this and hates it more that she can’t do anything about it.

When they arrive at the apartment, Lexa sits at the small couch and stares at the bigger couch situated in front of the television. There are pillows and a blanket on it, and food on the center table in front of it.

 _‘Right. Clarke was here earlier.’_ Anya shakes her head and approaches Lexa.

“Hey, Lex. You alright there?” Anya asks her softly as she sits in front of her. Lexa doesn’t answer and just goes on to staring into nothing. “If you need anything, I’ll just be in my room, alright?” Lexa still doesn't answer, so Anya just squeezes Lexa’s knees softly. Just when Anya turns around and about to walk, she hears a soft cry. When she turns back to look at Lexa, Anya’s heart suddenly feels like it’s breaking.

Lexa has one of her hands on her face and the other on her chest. She’s trying to contain her sobs. Anya kneels in front of the younger woman and encloses her in a hug.

“Hey, Lex.. it’s fine.” Anya just keeps on rubbing Lexa’s back whilst the latter continues to cry. Anya has never seen the Lexa break down like this before. "Hey, hey, it's fine.." She says, trying to comfort the younger woman.

“No, it’s not fine.” Lexa sobs. “Everything hurts.” She cries, “This,” she points at her chest. “..hurts.” and keeps on hitting it repeatedly with her closed fist. “It hurts… so much.” She just keeps on crying while Anya tries to stop her from hurting herself.

This time, Anya is already crying, too. This is just too much for her to handle, seeing Lexa like this. But she has to be strong. She’s the only one Lexa can lean on right now. She has to be strong. She has to be.

“Lex, please.. don’t do this to yourself.” Anya says as she tries to calm the younger woman.

“How do I stop this from hurting?” Lexa asks as she looks at Anya. She’s pointing at her chest where her heart resides. She looks so vulnerable, so small. So… not Lexa.

“I don’t know, Lex. I don’t know.” Anya answers. “But you’ll get through this.” She leans on in Lexa and kisses the top of her head. “I know you will.” She whispers.

“Hey, Le—what’s happening here?” The siblings turns to see Clarke standing by the door. She's staring at Lexa. Eyes wide open; face filled with worry and confusion. She immediately walks towards Lexa and Anya.

“What are you doing here?” Anya asks, not hiding the irritation in her voice. Anya just stands in front of Lexa, as if protecting her from an incoming danger.

“What happened?” Clarke ignores Anya’s question, and tries to get as close to Lexa as possible.

“You should leave.” Anya’s just about to hold Clarke and walk her to the door when Lexa speaks.

“It’s alright, Ans..” Lexa says softly.

“But Lex…” Anya, voice still full of hesitations.

“Please?” Lexa asks her, whilst wiping off her face with tears that filled it just a minute before.

“Fine.” Anya says, and glares at Clarke, who doesn’t notice, and walks reluctantly towards her room.

Clarke instantly walks closer towards the sitting brunette and kneels in front of her. She touches her face and the brunette flinches.

“Hey Lex..” she says softly. “What happened?” She can’t help the tears that filled her eyes after seeing her best friend in this situation. It hurts—no, it’s like killing her from the inside. “Who did this to you?”

 _‘You..’_ Lexa thinks. Of course, she wouldn’t say that out loud. Why would she hurt the person she loves the most? She could never do that. No. Not intentionally, at least.

Lexa just shakes her head and smiles at the blonde. “It’s nothing.” She says, holding the hand that is touching her face.

“It’s not nothing. What happened?” Clarke asks again.

“It’s nothing, Clarke. Really. I’m fine now.” Lexa puts on the most genuine smile she could at the moment.

It’s true. She’s fine now. Not fully fine, but better at least. Now that Clarke’s here, in front of her. Seeing that she still cares for her. It’s enough, for now.

Clarke stares at her for a moment, as if examining her. “Okay, fine.” Clarke surrenders, but concern still fills her face. She withdraws her hand from Lexa’s face and takes Lexa’s hands with hers instead. She just holds it gently, giving the brunette comfort, even only in a small possible way she can. “Can you at least tell me what happened?” she tries, but Lexa just gives her another smile and shakes her head.

“Can I just rest for now?” Lexa asks, softly.

 _‘What could have happened between the moments Lexa left our apartment to me barging in their apartment?’_ Clarke wonders.

_‘In so little time, so much has happened.’_

Clarke knows that if Lexa doesn’t want to talk about it now, she doesn’t want to talk about it any time soon. And there’s no way she’d be able to convince Lexa about it right now. And she doesn’t want to push Lexa to it. She’s already had enough for the day.

“Yeah, of course, you can.” She smiles at her. She rises from kneeling on the floor to sitting on the arm of the couch, just right beside Lexa. She hugs the brunette from that position. Lexa relaxes herself in Clarke's embrace.

“Doesn’t Finn need you at home?” Lexa slightly backs up from the hug.

“Yeah, he does. But Bellamy’s there. He came straight from work. He was worried about Finn because apparently Finn was already drunk at work. Their manager dismissed him early.” Clarke says with annoyance in her voice.

“You should’ve just stayed there. Seems like he really needed you.” Lexa whispers.

“He does. But not as much as my best friend needs me right now.” She smiles at Lexa and pulls her back in the embrace.

 _‘I can’t leave you now. I won’t. You need me. More than you ever did before.’_ Clarke thinks. This is the first time Clarke sees Lexa so much down that she can feel whatever Lexa’s feeling vibrating through her entire body. It hurts her, too... so much that she didn't think it's possible by just looking at someone in pain.

“Thank you.” Lexa says softly. She rests her head on Clarke’s lap, and Clarke caressed her face gently with one hand, and the other holding one of Lexa’s hands.

There was just silence between them, a comfortable one. Lexa feels much better now. Just having Clarke beside her, instead of Finn’s, is much more than she thought how her night would end.

The silence is broken when Anya comes out from her room.

She goes to the kitchen and comes out with a glass of water.

“Hey, Lex. You feel better now?” Anya asks as she stands in front of the two. She reaches out the glass and gives it to Lexa.

“Yeah, much better.” Lexa detaches herself from Clarke and takes the glass of water from Anya. “Thanks.” She says and drinks it.

Anya stares at Clarke pointedly, but the blonde doesn’t see it since she’s still focused on the brunette who is drinking from the glass. After Lexa drinks, she looks up to Anya and sees the pointed look she’s giving to the blonde.

“Ans..” Lexa warns her. Anya stands back and looks at Lexa instead.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Lex.” Anya says and took the glass from Lexa’s hand. “You’ve had a long day, you should go take a rest.” She says, and Lexa just nods in response. Clarke stares at the older brunette as she walks into the kitchen and back into her room. Lexa took a deep breathe.

“What is she talking about?” Clarke asks Lexa.

“Nothing. She’s just worried.” Lexa shrugs.

“For good reasons, obviously.” Clarke says.

“Yeah.” Lexa smiles sadly, one that Clarke didn’t see. Lexa stands up and faces Clarke. “Are you staying?”

“Of course. I mean, if it’s okay with you.” Clarke says bashfully. Lexa laughs at the shyness her best friend is showing.

“It’s more than okay, Clarke.” Lexa smiles at her and reaches out her hands to Clarke. “Like old times?” she asks.

Clarke takes her hand and stands up. “Like old times.” Clarke answers, grinning.

 

Lexa and Clarke are lying on Lexa’s bed with each of them facing the ceiling. A comfortable silence surrounding them. Lexa misses this. It’s been, what, years? Since they last slept—yep, only slept—together, with just the both of them. Yeah, sure, they had girls’ night with Raven, Octavia, and sometimes even Anya… but it’s different, with just being the two of them. It was their ‘special time’. Nothing sexual ever happened, but it was special. Then suddenly it just stopped happening sometime after Clarke and Finn became a thing. With Clarke being busy with med school and having to spend more time with Finn... and Lexa, she just started sleeping—the other kind of sleeping—with different girls.

“Hey Clarke?” Lexa says in a soft voice.

“Yeah?” Clarke asks, still facing at the ceiling.

“Why are you here?” Lexa asks. Clarke doesn’t understand what Lexa means so she turns her head to see that the brunette is still facing the ceiling.

“What?” She asks Lexa, frowning. Lexa turns her head to Clarke and they’re face to face. Lexa laughs when she sees Clarke frowning.

“I mean, why did you come here? Tonight?” Lexa laughs. “Surely you didn’t come here without any reason.” She continues.

Lexa’s face is just inches away from Clarke’s. With the lights coming from outside, she can see those deep blue eyes staring right through her. And those lips... Oh dear Jesus. It takes everything in her not to lean in and just kiss the blonde.

 _‘You can’t do that, Lex. It wouldn’t be right.’_ Lexa thinks to herself.

“Oh.” Clarke realizes what the brunette is trying to ask.

Lexa turns back on facing the ceiling. She couldn’t take that risk staring at the most beautiful person she’s ever laid eyes on and not kiss her.

“Right.” Clarke says, and reaches her bag on the bedside table. She took something out from it. “Um, you must have left your phone in the apartment after helping me out on carrying Finn.” She gives it to Lexa and goes back to facing the ceiling.

“Thank you.” Lexa takes it and puts it on the table beside her. “But you didn’t have to come all the way here just for my phone, you know. I could’ve gotten it myself, or, you know, you could’ve given it tomorrow or some time other than tonight.”

“Yeah, I know. But I wanted to thank you for helping me out with Finn, and I wasn’t able to do that since you were already gone when I came out from the room.”

That’s true. She immediately walked out of the apartment the moment she left Clarke in their room to take care of Finn. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait long for Anya when she got outside.

“Besides, I’m glad that I came...” Clarke says softly and looks at the brunette who’s still staring at the ceiling.

 _‘Or else I wouldn’t have known at all about your.. situation… and I wish I always know. I always want to be by your side when you need someone. When you need me..’_ Clarke thinks while still looking at the brunette who seems to be in deep thoughts.

 _‘I wish you’d open up to me.’_ Clarke thinks. She can see that Lexa is struggling about something, but knowing Lexa, Clarke knows that the brunette would rather just keep it all to herself—something that Clarke doesn't like, but is used to.

_‘I wish I could see what’s running on your mind… what—who—hurt you like this… what I can do to ease your pain… I wanna know..'_

“What are you thinking?” Clarke asks before she could even stop herself. Lexa is startled but stays on facing the ceiling. “What are you thinking?” Clarke repeats. It takes several seconds before Lexa speaks.

“I’m thinking about…” Lexa says, then looks at Clarke. She stares at the blonde and sees that Clarke's face shows worry and curiosity. Lexa allows herself to look at the blonde for a few seconds before she speaks again. “..going to sleep.” She smiles at the blonde. “I’m thinking about going to sleep.” She sees the blonde frowns but then sighs a second later.

“Okay, fine." Clarke says, with slight annoyance found in her voice. "We’re going to sleep now.” The blonde shifts her position.

Lexa knows that Clarke really wants that answer, and she’s glad that the latter doesn’t push her to it.

“Can I hug you though?” Clarke asks while looking at Lexa. Lexa looks at the blonde’s big blue eyes, and they just make the brunette want to melt, and the pout doesn’t help either. Lexa laughs.

“ _Like_   _old_   _times_.” Lexa answers as she chuckles, and Clarke smiles.

Lexa stays lying on her back while Clarke snuggles in closer to hug the brunette.

 _‘I missed this..’_ Lexa thinks as she smiles, and just a few minutes later, both of them are already drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that wasn't bad. I don't really know if I'm doing this right, but I do it anyway. Anyways, thank you for giving this a chance. Hope to see you again next chapter (might take days)!


	4. Someone Did The Nasty

**CHAPTER 4: Someone Did The Nasty**

 

It had been days since the night Finn got drunk and Lexa’s breakdown. Clarke asked Finn about what happened that night but he just apologized and told him that he was just stressed about work. And as for what happened at Lexa’s apartment, Clarke left the morning after her sleepover. Clarke didn’t tell anyone about what happened to Lexa. Lexa didn’t ask her not to, but Clarke knew that the brunette would rather have it not discussed.

“So, how’s Finn?” Octavia asked as she turned the channel on the television. They are currently at Clarke’s apartment, spending their Friday afternoon.

“He told me he’s fine.” Clarke answered as she shrugged and sipped her coffee.

“Do you think he is?” Octavia asked. Clarke thought about it for a second before answering.

“I don’t know. I mean, he never drank like that while he’s at work. He said it’s just work stress, but.. I don’t know, really.” Clarke said.

“I bet he did something wrong.” Raven said as she looks up from her phone. Clarke and Octavia looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “I mean, you did say he kept saying sorry, right?” Raven asked Clarke.

Clarke thought about it, and it’s true that Finn kept on saying sorry, but she thought that it’s just about him being drunk. She didn’t think beyond that.

 _‘Did Finn really do something? It’s true that it was unusual for him to drink like that. But.. what could he have done to get himself that drunk?’_ Clarke thought to herself. She was worried, but curious more than that.

 _‘No. He couldn’t have done something. Finn was just drunk. He was stressed about work. That’s all to it.’_ Clarke thinks.

“Jesus, Griff, I was just kidding.” Raven’s voice pulled Clarke from her thoughts. “Don’t think too much into it.” Raven laughs.

“You scared her.” Octavia laughed along, and Clarke just rolled her eyes.

Raven was always open about wanting Clarke and Lexa to get together, even before Finn came into the picture. But Clarke has always said that there’s nothing beyond platonic between her and Lexa. And besides, as far as Clarke knew, she was always straight. Or so she thought. Lexa, on the other hand, wasn’t. But as she always tells Raven, _‘That’s no reason for her and Clarke to get together. Especially not when they aren’t in love each other. At least not one of them.’_ But Lexa never said that last sentence out loud.

“Shut up, you two.” Clarke said when the two just giggled.

“Hey, how’s Lexa by the way? Is she fine now?” Raven asked, looking at Clarke, who was clearly surprised by the sudden question.

 _‘How does Raven know? Did Lexa tell her? I thought she wouldn’t want anyone to know.. I guess I was wrong.’_ Clarke thought, slight sadness striking her. She didn’t like the idea that she was wrong about what Lexa would want, and a little upset, with unknown reasons, that Lexa would tell Raven about it. Yes, Raven is their friend, too. But what Lexa joked about when they were at Lexa’s apartment was true. Clarke really is a little possessive when it comes to Lexa—okay fine—sometimes even more than she would admit.

“Why? What happened?” Octavia asked, now ignoring the television and looking curiously at Clarke as well.

“Why are you asking me?” Clarke frowned. “And how did you know?” She looked at Raven.

“Uh, one, because you and Lexa are inseparable.” Raven counted with her fingers. “Two, because..” she acted as if she was thinking for an answer. “Oh, right! You and Lexa are inseparable. Have I mentioned you and Lexa are inseparable? Because that’s three.” Raven said, rolling her eyes. As if it wasn’t obvious why they’d ask Clarke about Lexa. “And Anya told me. She mentioned that Lexa wasn’t feeling well the other day.”

 _‘Oh.’_ Clarke thought. Relieved knowing that Lexa didn’t tell anyone about it, and that she was still right about what Lexa would want.

“So, how is she?” Raven asked again.

The truth is, Clarke hadn’t really talked to Lexa again after she left that morning from Lexa’s apartment. She texted her, asked her to get coffee, to come over, or something. But Lexa just kept telling her that she’s busy, or that she can’t, and _“Sorry, maybe next time?”._ Clarke instantly knew that Lexa wanted some time alone, and although she’d want nothing but not give the brunette the solitude that she wanted, she just let her be.

“She’s fine.” Clarke says, emotions hidden behind her voice. She misses the brunette, and God, did she want nothing more than to see her and know that she’s _really fine._

Octavia and Raven didn’t miss the sadness in her voice.

“You haven’t talked to her, have you?” Octavia was the one to ask.

Clarke took a deep breath. “No, I haven’t. Not really.”

“What happened? Do you guys have a problem?” Raven asked.

“What? No.” Clarke quickly says. “Why would you think that?” Clarke frowned.

“Chill, just asking..” Raven put both her hands up.

“We don’t have a problem, alright? I don’t even know why you’d think that.” Clarke said. She didn’t like the idea of her and Lexa not being okay, that’s why she reacted like she did.

“Well, you did say you two haven’t been talking. And it’s been days since Anya told me about Lexa, so, you know, I just assumed.” Raven said.

“Well, we’re not. We haven’t been talking, but it’s not like you think. It’s just that.. she’s just.. well, she’s not really fine.” Clarke muttered.

“What do you mean she’s not fine?” Octavia asked.

“She’s been having some problem.” Clarke wouldn’t tell them exactly what happened.

“Oh.” Raven said softly. “Poor Woods. Something we can help with?” she asked genuinely.

“I hope that’s the case, but no,” Clarke shook her head. “I think she just wants to handle it alone. If she’s ready to talk, she will.” Clarke said, more directed to herself than her friends.

“So.. she wasn’t really sick?” Raven asked. Clarke shook her head. “Damn you, Anya.” Raven muttered. Octavia and Clarke chuckled.

“Wait,” Octavia said. Clarke and Raven looked at her. “Why did Anya tell you about Lexa?” Octavia asked, raising her eyebrows. Raven was caught off guard by the question.

“Oh, uh..” Raven stuttered, trying to avoid the eyes of her friends. Her face turned a bit shade of red.

Octavia’s eyes widened. “Oh, my god. You slept with her!” Octavia said, pointing at Raven, whose face was now as red as tomato. “Oh, my god.” Octavia continued, laughing.

“Seriously, Raven? Anya?” Clarke asked, now laughing too.

“Oh, shut up.” Raven said, still blushing. “Like you didn’t see it coming.”

“Yeah, but you kept on denying it! Oh, my god. This is epic.” Octavia laughed. She picked up her phone and typed something into it while grinning.

“What are you doing?” Raven asked suspiciously. Octavia ignored her. "Octavia. What are you doing?" She asked again, attempting to sound serious.

“Oh, nothing.” Octavia grinned and put her phone down after typing.

“What did you do, Octavia?” Raven was about to take Octavia’s phone when her own phone chimed, indicating that she received a message. Raven took her phone out and checked it. Raven’s eyes widened when she opened the message.

“Oh no, you did not just do that.” Raven shook her head.

“What?” Octavia laughed. “I thought the gang should know about your shenanigans with Anya.” She smirked. Raven got on her feet and tried to come after Octavia, but the latter was already running away.

“I’ll kill you, O!” Raven yelled. Clarke just laughed at them and took her own phone out.

She opened the group chat where Octavia sent a message.

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Raven and Anya did the nasty!!_

 **_Monty_ ** _: What? Seriously? Oh my God. Hahaha_

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Finally!_

 **_Jasper_ ** _: That’s our girls!_

 **_Jasper_ ** _: We want to hear all about it._

 **_Monty_ ** _: We should drink to it!_

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Just tell me when I have to reserve the VIP room._

 **_Bellamy_ ** _: Wow, Raven. Anya. Congratulations! Hahaha_

 **_Anya_ ** _: Seriously, Raven. You couldn’t have kept it for a little longer?_

 **_Jasper_ ** _: Aw. Don’t worry, Anya. No one is judging here._

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Stop teasing them, guys. You should know, Octavia is running for her life as of this moment._

 **_Jasper_ ** _: Hahahahaha!!_

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Hey, babe. Don’t get killed. Hahaha_

 **_Bellamy_ ** _: I’m more worried about you, princess. After their fight, the apartment might just collapse on you._

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Aw, thanks for the concern, Bell. But I’m pretty sure I can kick them out before they manage to ruin anything._

 **_Bellamy_ ** _: For some reasons, I don’t doubt that. Hahaha_

Clarke was about to put down her phone and check on the two when she noticed she has one unread private message.

 _‘It’s from Lexa.’_ She quickly opened the message and saw that it was sent about half an hour ago.

 **_Lexa_ ** _: Hey, Clarke.. wanna hang out?_

Clarke couldn’t help but smile. _‘She’s fine now.’_ She thought to herself, and quickly sent a reply.

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Of course. What do you have in mind?_

Not a minute later, Lexa sent back a reply.

 **_Lexa_ ** _: I’ll cook. Come here later at 8? Tell Raven and Octavia to come, too._

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Okay, great. See you! :)_

Clarke stared at her phone for a little while, smiling. And when she heard some ruckus coming from the kitchen, she got on her feet and went to check on it. Raven and Octavia made a mess in the kitchen. There were flours everywhere, but even with that, it couldn’t bring down Clarke’s mood.. She was so happy that Lexa reached out now. And that after not seeing her for days, she’ll finally get to see her again in just a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning: next chapter will be pretty intense. Hang on. Thank you for reading! :)


	5. It Was A Bad Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Anya + hidden anger = not a good combination.

**CHAPTER 5: It Was A Bad Decision**

It was Friday night and the gang were in Lexa and Anya’s apartment.

“Should’ve known everyone will come too.” Lexa chuckled, and looked at their friends who were in the living room teasing and laughing at each other, but mostly, at Raven and Anya.

Clarke and Lexa were out on the balcony, leaning with their arms against the grills.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Octavia kind of slipped it out to Lincoln, and suddenly the news about free food just got spread miraculously.” Clarke said, chuckling. “And I guess they wanted to grill someone tonight.. because you know, apparently, Raven and Anya..”

“So I’ve heard.” Lexa, chuckling.

“Can you believe that?” Clarke snickered.

“Actually, I can. Anya’s always been MIA these last few weeks, and sometimes I hear her sneaking in with someone late at night, and sneaking out early in the morning. Didn’t think it’d be Raven.” Lexa shrugged.

“That little jerk.” Clarke snickered, and Lexa just laughed.

Clarke stared at the laughing girl beside her. _‘I wish you’re always like that.. just.. laughing.’_ Clarke thought. It really broke her heart when she saw Lexa broke down. It was something she never wanted to see. Not anytime soon. Not ever.

“What?” Lexa asked when she noticed Clarke staring.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that.. you’ve been busy.. in the past few days, and well..” Clarke said. Lexa looked at her intently, waiting for the next words to come out. “I’ve missed you.” Clarke said gently and bashfully. Lexa’s face softened, and she smiled softly at the blonde.

“Aww. You’re such a sap.” Lexa teased, and Clarke just pouted. “Come here..” Lexa giggled and pulled the blonde into a hug. She felt the blonde hug her back. “I’m sorry.” She said gently. “I just needed some time alone.”

Clarke smiled and nodded. “I thought so.. I still missed you though. And I was really worried about you.” She said.

“I know, and I’m sorry.” Lexa just pulled her a bit closer into the hug. “But I’m fine now.” Lexa said, rubbing her hands at Clarke’s back. There were a few moments of silence before Clarke spoke again.

“Well, um, can I ask you now about what happened?” Clarke asked, trying to sound like a child. Lexa just chuckled and shook her head.

Clarke pouted once again. “Fine.” And Clarke detached herself slightly from the brunette. She looked at the her sternly, but in a cute way, as Lexa saw. “But you’re sure that you’re fine now, right?”

“Yes, Clarke. I’m sure.” Lexa said, laughing at the blonde’s cute and childish behavior.

“Good. Because I don’t want to be giving you space again anytime soon.” Clarke said and hugged the brunette again. Lexa felt warmth rush all over her chest. They stayed like that for a few minutes, with just a very comfortable, and much-loved silence engulfing them.

But of course, that had to be interrupted.

“HEY GUYS! ENOUGH WITH THE SNUGGLING!” Clarke and Lexa turned around to see Jasper standing on the couch holding a can of beer in one of his hands. “Come join us!” He yelled, motioning his free hand towards them.

Clarke and Lexa smiled at each other first before joining their friends in the living room drinking and laughing.

Clarke was about to sit on the floor beside Lexa when Finn called her.

“Hey, babe,” Finn called from the other side of the circled group. “Come sit over here.” He motioned the space beside him. Clarke looked at Lexa first and Lexa just smiled at her, nodding, as if saying _‘Go on..’._

Clarke sat beside him and the group resumed to their drunken conversations.

A little while later, most of them are already drunk, but mostly Raven and Anya. The two decided to drink as much as they can to escape the feeling of embarrassment that their friends would surely put them into.

But it was a bad decision really on Anya, because as much as it would save her from having felt the ‘talk of shame’, it would also make her senses dissolve for as long as she’s drunk.

And Lexa.. well, let’s just say that she’s the one on the receiving end of that line.

“I still can’t believe you’d actually sleep together.” Lincoln said, laughing and shaking his head.

“Is it really hard to believe—two human beings, who are attracted to each other—not to mention, _hot—_ would sleep together?” Raven grinned. “Is it?”

“Well, you did say, and I quote, _“No fucking way I’d sleep with Anya fuckin’ Woods.””_ Octavia grinned.

“Eating your own words, I see.” Murphy snickered. The group laughed and Raven just glared at him.

“Who could really blame me, though? She _is_ hot.” Raven grinned while looking at Anya.

“Not as hot as you” Anya said, grinning back. They stared at each other teasingly and the group _“Whoo-ed”_ and whistled at them.

“Okay,” Lexa said, getting on her feet. “As much as I’d like to stay and _not_ look at my sister eye-fucking with Raven, I have to go and check on my casserole.” She said and went to the kitchen. Everyone just laughed.

“Seriously though. I didn’t think you’d actually get on with it. I actually thought that there’d be more a chance for Lexa and Clarke to do it.” Monty said, laughing. “No offense, Finn.” He said, looking at Finn. Finn just shrugged.

Anya scoffed- loud enough for everyone to hear.

“What, you don’t think Lexa and Clarke would do it?” Raven asked, laughing.

“No. I just don’t think I’d allow myself to let that happen.” Anya said, giving Clarke a sharp look. “Not after what happened last week.” Anya said. Clarke gave her a questioned look.

Anya is definitely drunk. She wouldn’t have said anything about this if she weren’t.

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked. Everyone is quiet now, feeling some tension slightly rising.

“Oh, you don’t know?” Anya smirked. “Well, Griffin,” Her face now transitioning from a smirked one to anger in just a matter of seconds. “You should know.. I hate you.” Anya said sternly. Clarke was taken aback, and confused.

Tension now going higher.

“Okay, Ans.. you’re drunk.” Bellamy said as he tried to rise from his seat before Clarke stopped her with her arms.

“No, Bellamy. Wait. I wanna hear what she has to say.” Clarke said, not taking her eyes off Anya’s. Bellamy had no choice but to back down. “What did I do to you?” Clarke asked with an even tone, fighting back with the same stern look that Anya was giving her.

“To me?” Anya scoffed. “No. Not me. You did nothing to me.” Anya shook her head slightly. “But to Lexa..” She said, eyes full of anger. “Do you even have any idea how much pain you’ve caused her? Huh? So much that it broke her.. you know that?” Anya said, her voice shaking with anger.

Clarke frowned, dumbfounded; completely confused; heart pounding fast at the thought that she hurt her best friend without knowing it. Lexa, her best friend, whom she wouldn’t have the heart of hurting in any possible way intentionally.

 _‘What?’_ Clarke thought.

“You wanted to know what caused Lexa to break down that night, right?” Anya asked. Clarke just stared at her, still frowning. “Well, that’s easy, Clarke. You!” Anya, voice rising; pointing at Clarke. “Are you really that stupid to be so oblivious about her feelings for you, or are you just being an insensitive bitch? Which one are you, huh?” Anya asked.

Tension has now definitely reached its peak. Everyone was shocked, dumbfounded, but no one said a word.

Clarke’s eyes widened. Heart pounding faster than ever. She couldn’t believe what she’s hearing from the woman in front of her. Lexa? Feelings for her?

 _‘What the fuck is she talking about?’_ Clarke thought. _‘No, this can’t be. Lexa would tell me. Would she? But she didn’t say anything. How did I not see that? Was I really that stupid? Insensitive? Was Anya right? Oh, my God. This is too much. And Lexa.. oh god.. how she must’ve felt all those times.’_ Clarke felt a rush of emotions after that entire rail of thoughts came bursting into her mind.

All heads, except Clarke’s and Anya’s, turned to the kitchen when Lexa came out from it, with eyes wide open and panic evident on her face.

“Anya,” Lexa said softly, but enough for everyone to hear.

Anya turned to Lexa, her face suddenly changed from anger to shock. It’s like Lexa’s presence suddenly washed out all her inebriation and made her realise what she just did. “Oh my god.” She said, rising up from the floor. “Lexa,” she said, worry on her face, as she approached Lexa. “Oh god, I’m sorry. I didn’t—I wasn’t..” Anya stuttered, struggling to stand up straight. Let alone walk.

Lexa just looked at her, her face not showing any emotion.

Clarke also got on her feet; and Lexa turned to look at her, face still emotionless.

“Lex,” Clarke looked at her, pleading, confused. Asking for answers. Lexa just stared at her, clearly not knowing what to do or say.

“I.. I..” Lexa stammered. She couldn’t form any words. Anything that would explain something to Clarke. “I’m.. I’m sorry. I have to go get some air..” Lexa said and walked out of the apartment as fast as she can.

Clarke tried to follow her, but Finn held her arms before she could even take a step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter was somewhat draining. I hope you liked it though. Next chapter will be out as soon as I can finish. Might take a day or two for the next one. But please hang on :)


	6. I Could Never Hate You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Lexa's emotions are finally out.

**CHAPTER 6: I Could Never Hate You**

“Wow.” Jasper said softly. “That was..”

“..intense.” Monty was the one to finish his sentence.

“Intense is an understatement.” Murphy muttered.

“Shut up, you three.” Bellamy said, glaring at Jasper, Monty, and Murphy, who were seated on the couch in the living room.

Everyone, except Lexa, was still at Lexa and Anya’s apartment, staggered about the scene they just witnessed a few minutes ago.

Octavia and Lincoln are having a conversation in one corner.

Anya was seated out on the balcony, both her hands on her face, while Raven was comforting her by rubbing her hands on Anya’s back.

Clarke and Finn were talking—more like arguing, because Clarke was insisting that she needed to follow Lexa.

“Jesus, Clarke. Why do you even have to follow her?” Finn asked, anger in his voice.

 “Why-why do I have to follow her?” Clarke asked unbelievably. “Seriously, Finn? You have to ask me that? She’s my best friend! That’s why!” Clarke snarled, almost shouting.

“Yeah, your best friend. Who’s in love with you!” Finn snarled back. Clarke glared at him.

“No. We’re not having this conversation right now. I have to go.” Clarke said firmly. And was about to turn her back on him when Finn grabbed her by her arm.

“Where are you going?” He asked, frowning.

“I’m going after her.” She said, tone even. “I have to talk to her.” She removed Finn’s grip from her arms, and walked away. She heard Finn muttered something, but she didn’t look back.

Clarke got in the elevator and pressed the button going down. She tried to put away all thoughts about everything she just heard from Anya and forced herself to just focus on having to talk to Lexa first, but it was difficult. Her heart was pounding from the thought that Lexa has feelings for her. That she loves her - more than a best friend would do. She didn’t know how she should feel. She didn’t understand what’s happening. All she knew was that something in her suddenly exploded from all that information. It was all too much to take. But right now, all she wanted was to see Lexa—no, she _needed_ to see Lexa.

When the elevator opened, she hurriedly went outside to check if Lexa’s car was there—it wasn’t. So, she got in her car and decided to drive to all possible places she knew Lexa would go to. She took out her phone and tried to call Lexa multiple times, but to no avail. Lexa wasn’t answering, so she texted her instead.

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Lexa, where are you?_

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Lex, please, answer your phone._

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Can you please tell me where you are?_

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Lex, please. We have to talk._

 **_Clarke_ ** _: I’m worried about you. Please answer your phone._

Clarke went to the coffee shop where Lexa goes to sometimes – she wasn’t there. She tried TonDC – still not there. She tried several more places but still, Lexa wasn’t found. She parked on the side of the road and took her phone out. There was a message from Finn. She ignored that. She sighed when she saw that there were still no messages from Lexa. She called her again but still no answer. So she texted her again.

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Lex, I’m worried about you. Please.. let me know that you’re OK at least. Please._

After sending the message, she put her phone on the passenger seat and rested her head on the steering wheel. She was tired. But she didn’t want to go home. Not until she knew Lexa was alright.

A few minutes later her phone chimed. She quickly took it and opened the message. Her face lit up when she saw that it was from Lexa.

 **_Lexa_ ** _: I’m fine, Clarke._

Clarke let out a relieved sigh when she read the message, and leaned back her head on the headrest of the car seat. After a few seconds, she looked at her phone again and dialed Lexa’s number. She heard a few rings before it was answered.

“Lexa, thank God. Did you know how worried I was? Where are you?” Clarke asked in a worried, but soft tone. She heard Lexa take a deep breath on the other side of the line before speaking.

“Clarke..” Lexa said softly. “I am so sorry..” Clarke heard Lexa sob. “I’m really, really sorry.. I didn’t mean to.. I just..” Lexa’s voice cracked. Clarke can feel so much emotions—so much heavy emotions—emitting from Lexa’s voice. She can feel regret—something that Clarke definitely didn’t like.

_‘Does Lexa regret having feelings for me?’_

The thought of that made her feel a bit of pain growing somewhere inside of her. She brushed off that feeling.

“Hey, Lex.. it’s okay.” Clarke just said, “Please.. just tell me where you are.” She said softly.

 “No. It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” Lexa said, sniffing a sob. “You don’t.. you don’t have to come here.”

“No, Lex. I want to.” Clarke said in a firm tone. “Please, just tell me. Where are you?” she asked again, now in a less firm voice. There were a few seconds of silence before she heard Lexa take a deep breath.

“I’m.. I’m here.. at the park.” Lexa answered softly. Clarke frowned at the vagueness of her answer.

 _‘What—oh. That park.’_ Clarke thought. She mentally cursed herself for not having thought of that place. In her defense, she didn’t think Lexa still goes there. _The park_ was Lexa and Clarke’s go to place before they became busy with everything that’s happened; to be exact—before Finn happened.

 _‘Everything gradually changed when Finn got into the picture’_ is the understatement of past three years.

“Okay. Just stay right there. I’ll be there in a few.” Clarke said and put her phone down after hearing Lexa mutter an ‘okay’. Clarke quickly drove to the park—but not fast enough to get her into an accident. That’s the last thing she’d want right now-or ever. Her mind was still thinking about the same thoughts that’s been lingering her mind for the past hour.

When Clarke arrived at the park, her eyes quickly scanned for Lexa—and there she was, alone, sitting on the swing, with her head facing down her lap, shoulders shaking, hands kept wiping off something on her face. She’s crying.

Clarke walked towards the crying brunette and silently sat on the swing beside her. She didn’t say a word, instead she just stayed there sitting, swinging slowly, letting the girl beside her just be.

Lexa tried to keep herself from crying when she felt the blonde’s presence. There was just silence between them, except for the little squeaky sound the swing was making.

Clarke didn’t face the brunette, but rather just stared at the sight right before them.

The park sat on an elevated area of the city, and since it was night time, the sight was kind of mesmerizing, with all its lights coming from the buildings and houses downtown. Clarke had always loved going there, especially since it was always with Lexa. They would go there and just talk and talk about everything that’s happened throughout their day. Sometimes, Clarke would even bring her sketch pad and just draw. She loved drawing—she still does. But drawing—it was something she felt that comes with Lexa.. and the lesser the time she spent with Lexa, the lesser the time she’s got to draw.

 _‘I miss this.. so much. God. How could I have let myself miss all this?’_ Clarke thought, remembering all the times when she and Lexa were in the same position, but instead of sadness engulfing them, it was all laughter, teasing, and happy stories they tell each other. ‘ _Why does it suddenly feel like so much has changed?’_

“Clarke..” Lexa called, her voice a little hoarse from crying. Clarke was a bit startled and was pulled out from her thoughts. She faced Lexa, and there, she saw what made her chest feel like it was being stabbed. Lexa’s face looked tired. Her bright green eyes that Clarke’s always loved looking at was now dark. They were swollen and puffy from all the crying. And there were eye-bags around it.

 _‘She must have been sleepless all these nights.’_ Clarke remembered the days prior, when she hadn’t talked to Lexa, and then the night when she first saw her broke down hard.

 _‘Was that all because of me?’_ Clarke thought sadly. Lexa turned away from Clarke, and looked at her lap instead. She was avoiding Clarke’s very intense gaze. She couldn’t fight it. It was.. pulling her in.

Clarke, however, didn’t take her gaze off Lexa.

“I’m sorry about Anya..” Lexa said, in a whispered voice, playing with her hands on her lap. “She shouldn’t have put you in that situation. It wasn’t.. it wasn’t right.” Lexa said. There was silence for a moment before Clarke took her eyes off Lexa and spoke.

“Was it true?” Clarke asked, her tone was careful. Now it was Lexa’s turn to look at her.

“What was true?” Lexa asked, slowly. She knew what Clarke was talking about, but she just had to ask. Maybe to stall or something. She didn’t know.

Clarke looked back at her. Now they’re staring at each other, both examining their faces, their eyes, trying to read their minds.

“Was it.. were you..” Clarke, it seemed to be, was struggling for the right words. She took a deep breath, as if finding all strength to utter the next words that would be coming out of her mouth. “Do you.. really have feelings for me?”

Lexa was expecting that question, but still, that didn’t stop her from feeling her breath stop for a second. She swallowed the lump in her throat before speaking. “Do you really wanna know?” She asked softly.

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat before speaking. “Yes, I want to know.” she answered, giving the brunette a slight nod. Lexa stared at her for a few seconds.

“Yes, Clarke.” Lexa said, staring straight at those blue eyes that seemed to be digging so deep for answers. “I do have feelings for you.”

Lexa saw how Clarke’s eyes widened; it was filled with so much emotions.. Questions? Confusion? Anger? She couldn’t tell. But she really did hope it wasn’t the last one.

“Please say something.” Lexa said softly when the blonde didn’t speak.

“I.. uh, since when have you known?” Clarke asked. She didn’t know what else to say. Her own emotions seemed to be blocking all the right words.

All she knew was that something inside her was struggling. She didn’t know why, but for some reason, her heart beat faster than it ever did when she managed to take in Lexa’s words. It was all very confusing. It was something she never felt before. Not even with Finn.

“Since always..” Lexa said, then slowly turned to look at the city before her. “I.. I guess I’ve always known I had these feelings for you.” She continued saying, almost whispering. There was a sad smile on her face. “You.. you were just so.. I don’t know.. perfect?” She took a quick glance at Clarke and turned her gaze back to the city. “I’ve always loved your laugh.. your smile.. the way you talk.. even the way you cry. I just.. I just love everything about you. All of you. The best and the worst. I.. I love everything..” Lexa said those words with so much emotions, her mouth forming a smile, but her eyes contradicting with it. They were filled with tears, waiting to fall down her rosy-cheeked face. “And then Finn came.. I saw that you were happy with him.. I didn’t want to take that from you.. so I tried. I tried really hard to ignore everything I felt when it came to you. I.. I just wanted you to be happy, Clarke. That’s all I ever want you to be. Happy.” Lexa said as she tried really hard to hold back her tears.

She felt like her emotion right that moment wasn’t right. She always thought that when she tells all of these to Clarke, she’d feel relieved, but no, relieved wasn’t what she’s feeling right that moment. Her chest felt heavy. Like there was still something inside that wanted to get out. She couldn’t tell what.

“Lexa..” Clarke; standing up from the swing, walking in front of the brunette. She stood there, and held the brunette’s face in her hands, making it so she was facing her. Tears were now starting to fill her eyes, too. “Lex.. I’m sorry.. I had no idea.. I.. I didn’t know.” They were looking at each other. When the brunette’s tears finally fell, the tears she was holding back fell with it too.

But despite it falling continuously, Lexa just kept wiping it off.

“No. Nothing was your fault.” The brunette; trying, but failing, to hold back more of her tears. “It was all mine.. I.. I should’ve stopped it. I should’ve tried harder to stop it.. I should have.. why didn’t I?” She was now sobbing like a child. Clarke felt like her heart was being broken into pieces.. seeing her best friend like this. She pulled her into a hug, crying with her.

“I’m really sorry.. please..” Lexa continued crying. “Please.. don’t hate me..” She cried as she gripped the front of Clarke’s top. Clarke just hugged her harder. “Please don’t..” She begged.

“No.. Lex.. I don’t hate you.” Clarke said, who couldn’t stop herself from crying too. “I could never hate you.” She slowly pulled herself back from the hug and held both of Lexa’s shoulder. “Hey. Hey, look at me.” She said, trying to keep her tears at bay. Lexa looked at her with her tired eyes that are now so much red and still glinting with tears. “I could never, ever, hate you. You understand me?” Clarke said slowly but clearly, while looking straight at those eyes before her. Lexa just nodded slightly. “I don’t want you to ever think that. Not ever. I would never hate you.” Clarke said and put the brunette back into her embrace.

Clarke felt that the brunette needed a little break. So, she just let them stay in that position for a few minutes, until Lexa spoke again.

“Clarke?” Lexa called softly, her voice so weak.

“Hm?” Clarke pulled back from the brunette and looked at her.

“I’m.. I’m so tired..” Lexa said, and just slowly fell unconsciously on the blonde, who was quick to catch her.

“Lexa!” Clarke tried to steady her, but when she saw that the brunette was unconscious, she worriedly and carefully laid her head on her lap. “Hey, hey, Lex. Wake up!” But there wasn’t any response. Clarke was panicking, something that she’s trained not to do in situations like this. But this is different. This is Lexa. To hell with med-school.

She quickly checked her pulse, and when she felt that it was there, she quickly took her phone out and called for the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I love reading your comments, so keep it coming. :) and thank you so much for all those kind words! I’ll try to do better. Though I gotta admit, I wasn’t expecting for readers this much xD like I said, I’m still such a novice. So please bear with me. :)
> 
> Just to brush off all the worries; no, Lexa isn’t in any danger. At least not from any kind of disease or something like that. :)


	7. Why Am I Feeling The Exact Opposite?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're in the hospital. Clarke is confused.

**CHAPTER 7: Why Am I Feeling The Exact Opposite?**

 

Clarke is currently standing in the hallway, just outside the room where Lexa is in. Abby Griffin, Clarke’s mother, is checking up on Lexa right now.

When the ambulance arrived at the park, they immediately drove to Arkadia Memorial Hospital, the hospital that Clarke’s family owns, where Abby is Chief of Surgery.

Clarke called her mother while they were in the ambulance, so when they arrived at the hospital, Abby was already waiting for them.

They initially allowed Clarke to stay by Lexa’s side, but when she began shouting at nurses—they were being stupid, in Clarke’s defense (or maybe she might have overreacted a little bit. But it was Lexa, and she was worried)—Abby had to force her out of the room.

And that’s how Clarke ended up out in the hallway, instead of being in Lexa’s room, by her side.

When the door to Lexa’s room opened and Abby came out from it, Clarke immediately approached her.

“Mom, how is she?" Clarke asked, not even trying to hide the worry in her voice.

“She’s fine, Clarke. You don’t have to worry.” Her mother said gently. Clarke let out a relieved sigh. “She was just tired, and the alcohol didn’t help either.” Abby said, her face showing little disappointment. “Is she having any problem?” There was concern laced in her voice when she asked that. Clarke didn’t answer, she just cleared her throat. “She’s physically tired that even her body gave up. Was she working too hard? I know she wouldn’t just let herself be drained like this, so what happened?”

“She..” Clarke didn’t know what to say. She can’t exactly tell her mother everything that happened. Not the night when she saw Lexa crying in her apartment. Not the days when Lexa wanted to be left alone. Not Anya’s drunken revelations. And definitely not the heavy confessions Lexa just made an hour ago.

 _‘She’s emotionally hurt, Mom, that I’m sure of.’_ Clarke thought.

“..she’s just. She’s just having some problems.” Clarke said instead, avoiding her mother’s gaze. Abby studied her for a few seconds, and when she realized that her daughter wasn’t ready to tell her anything more, she just nodded.

“Okay, then. She’s still resting, but you can come in now.” Abby said and removed herself from the door’s way to let Clarke in.

Before Clarke entered the room, she looked at her mother first. “Thank you, Mom.” She said sincerely. Abby just smiled at her, and Clarke entered the room.

Lexa was lying unconscious on the bed, clothes changed to a hospital gown. Clarke approached her quietly and stood beside her bed. She just stared at the woman before her, amazed at how peaceful her face was. It’s like all her worries were washed away when she saw how safe and sound Lexa looked like. She was a little pale, but that never hid her still beautiful face. Her full lips were closed, and so were her eyelids, hiding those bright green eyes behind that were always so full of emotions. And God did she want nothing but to see those eyelids open and reveal those eyes that she’s always loved seeing.

 _‘Why did you let yourself get hurt like this?’_ Clarke thought.  _‘I’m so sorry.. If I’d have known, I would have-’_

 _‘If you’d have known, what would you have done, Clarke?’_ Another part of her thought.

Her thoughts were cut off when the door opened behind her and came in a very worried Anya followed by Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Bellamy, and Finn.

Being the owner of a hospital has its own perks, and one of those is getting a regular suite as a room with no problems at all.

All of them who entered, except Anya, went straight to the small living area situated in one corner, whilst Anya went straight for her sister. Clarke stepped back to give Anya space.

“What happened?” Anya asked without looking at Clarke.

“She passed out. They said her body gave up from exhaustion.” Clarke answered quietly. “But she’s fine now. She just needs to rest.” Clarke said and Anya just nodded and held her sister’s head.

After a few minutes, Anya turned to look at Clarke, regret was visible on her face. “Clarke, I’m.. I’m really sorry, about what I said earlier. I wasn’t thinking. It was such a bitchy thing to do. It wasn’t your fault you didn’t know. Just.. I’m sorry. I really am. Me being drunk doesn’t excuse my behavior.” Anya said sincerely.

“No, it’s okay.” Clarke smiled genuinely. “I understand. She’s your sister, and you’re worried about her. It’s normal. I would’ve done the same thing.. though, you know, maybe in a less bitchy way.” Clarke joked. Anya chuckled, then turned back to her sister.

Clarke walked to the living area and sat beside Raven, who was talking to Octavia and Lincoln. Lincoln stood up when Clarke approached them to give the ladies some privacy to talk. He went to sit with Bellamy, Monty, Murphy, and Jasper, who were having a conversation. Finn was sitting with them, but he wasn’t really talking. He was just seated there and was taking glances at Clarke from time to time. But Clarke didn’t dare to look at him. She didn’t want to talk to him, at least not until they were alone.

“Finn’s glaring, do you want to get some coffee outside?” Raven whispered.

“That’d be actually nice.” Clarke answered.

Before going out, they asked their friends if they wanted something to eat or drink. After their friends told them what they wanted, they got out of the room and went to the cafeteria.

They ordered each cup of coffee.

“How are you feeling?” Octavia asked Clarke once they sat on the chair.

“I’m.. I don’t know how I feel.” Clarke said softly. She leaned back on the chair and put her hands on her face. There’s just too much emotions she can’t even name it. She’s mad at herself because Lexa’s suffering because of her. She’s hurting because Lexa’s hurting too. She’s worried that she might hurt Lexa more. But there was part of her that’s a little bit… happy? Why-she couldn’t tell. She’s confused. She’s confused about everything she’s feeling.

“She told me that she’s in love with me.” Clarke said softly after a little while of silence.

“I’ve always had a feeling about that, you know.” Raven stated. Clarke and Octavia looked at her quizzically. She took a deep breath before continuing. “I wasn’t sure but... I’ve always felt that she did. I mean, not only her, but I’ve always thought the both of you were, like, secretly in love with each other.” Raven said looking at Clarke. Clarke frowned.

“I’m in a relationship with Finn, Raven. Not to mention that I’ve only been with guys. How can I be in love with her?” Clarke said slowly.

 _‘I would know if I’m in love with someone, wouldn’t I?’_ Clarke thought.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t be in love with girls.” Raven shrugged. “There are bisexual and lesbian people, Clarke. You should know that since you’re friends with more than one.” Raven wasn’t offended or mad, she was just merely stating a fact. “And I know you’re in a relationship with Finn, I know that, and in case I was being so subtle, let me tell you this: I kind of don’t like your relationship with him. And you and Lexa.. gosh. How do I say this? You guys.. you two are just always so.. happy. You know? When you’re together, I could just see it with my eyes. Not to mention you two are always together. Like always. If I was a stranger, I’d think you two are married.” Raven said, chuckling softly. “And I mean, yeah, Finn was there, but you and Lexa, it’s like, you made this small little world where only the two of you exist, you know? I mean, why else do you think would I tease you two?” Raven said, forcing a laugh, but she was serious. Damn serious.

Clarke couldn’t think of anything to say. She was buried in deep thoughts. Between everything that Lexa confessed, the emotions she felt after hearing those confessions, and now this observations that Raven are saying; it made her question how she really feels.

_‘But I’m in love with Finn. Aren’t I? All those three years.. if I wasn’t in love with him, why would I let it get that far?’_

“Lexa told you she’s in love with you. The question is.. how do you feel about her?” Raven asked seriously.

Clarke thought about that, but she couldn’t think straight right now. Not when she’s overwhelmed with so much emotions.

“I.. I can’t think about that, Raven. Not when I’m with Finn. Not right now. I just can’t..” Clarke said, frustration audible in her voice. She put her elbows on the table and covered her face with her hands.

“But what Lexa did.. it will change everything between you two. Not to mention that Finn will surely want you to stay away from her. You know that, right?” Raven said.

 _‘Will Lexa start avoiding me? She wouldn’t do that, would she? She said she loves me so why would she do that? Am I being selfish if I want her to just stay? I don’t want to hurt Finn, but I can’t lose Lexa, either. I don’t want to lose her, not ever.’_ Clarke thought.

“God.” She grumbled. “Why does it have to be this hard?” Clarke mumbled with her hands still on her face.

“Just imagine how hard it must have been for Lexa.” Raven muttered, and Clarke felt something kick under the table. “Ow-what?!” Raven whispered.

“Just shut up!” Octavia whispering back.

Clarke heard that but she didn’t see Raven rolling her eyes on Octavia, while Octavia was glaring at Raven.

A little while later, Octavia received a text from Lincoln saying that Lexa was already awake. They hastily went back to the suite.

When they entered the room, with Clarke leading the way, they saw their friends standing around Lexa’s bed. Lexa was laughing at someone’s joke, probably Jasper’s. And when they heard the door behind them open, they turned their heads to towards it and there they saw the three women. The laughing stopped.

Lexa and Clarke stared for a second before one of their friends cleared their throat.

“Um, I think we should leave them alone first.” Lincoln said. Before they’ve gone out, Clarke heard Octavia ask Lincoln where Finn was. Lincoln said that Finn just left the room a little after the three of them went out to go to the cafeteria. But Clarke couldn’t care about that right now; she didn’t even notice Finn wasn’t there anymore as her attention was focused on the brunette who’d already woken up. Instead, she just walked towards Lexa.

“Hey,” Clarke said, smiling, approaching the brunette girl half-lying, half-sitting on the bed.

“Hey back,” Lexa returned the smile.

“How are you?” Clarke asked with so much concern in her tone.

“Better. Abby actually came in here earlier, just before you came back. She said I could already come home later, or tomorrow is it? I don’t know. I don’t know what time it is already.” Lexa rambled, and Clarke just laughed.

“It’s already after midnight.” Clarke said. They just stayed silent for a few moments. Lexa’s face isn’t anymore as pale as it was earlier, so Clarke was relieved. She took a deep breath before speaking. “Lexa, about earlier-”

“No, Clarke.” Lexa stopped her before she could say anything more. “Like I said, I just had to let it all out. It was all about me and my stupid feelings. You don’t have to do or say anything. And I’m not expecting anything from you.” Lexa said sincerely. Clarke stared at her, trying to hide the confusion she’s feeling. “I mean, it’s still true what I said.. that I love you more than just a best friend would. But I wouldn’t ruin our friendship like that just because I couldn’t control my feelings for you.. I wouldn’t want that. Your friendship is the most valuable possession I have, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.” Lexa said genuinely. “So no, you don’t have to worry at all. And now that I’ve let it all out, I’m sure it will be much easier. Much easier to move on…” Lexa said, a smile on her lips, but her eyes weren’t showing the same.

With that, Clarke felt a hard thud in her chest. Like her heart stopped beating for a second. Her entire body was suddenly filled with nervousness. She didn’t like what she heard.

_‘I should be happy. I should be glad.. Glad that Lexa will be moving on. I should, right? Everything will be very much easier. This should be a relief… But then why.. why am I feeling the exact opposite?’_

Their conversation ended when a nurse came into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m really glad that you like this story, and that it’s stirring some emotions from you, that was the plan in the first place. :) But Kru, I don’t want you to be fighting over this. It’s nice to read the positive comments, and I’m really greatful for those, but for the negative bits, please keep them in a much lighter spectrum. :) Again, thank you so much for all of your kind words! :)
> 
> P.S. Holidays will be over for me. I'm a student and I might become a little occuppied, so it might take a little longer to update. But I'll make sure to update at least once or twice a week. Thank you for being patient, and please be patient more :)


	8. You Should Have Some Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa decided to have some fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is the longest chapter yet. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)
> 
> WARNING: Some pretty heavy and hot scenes from Lexa and someone other than Clarke.  
> If you don't like, in any way, reading scenes like it, you can skip it.  
> Skip the paragraph that begins with "The music was upbeat.." and you can resume in the sentence that begins with "They drove to the hotel.."
> 
> Nothing intense before and after those lines.

**CHAPTER 8: You Should Have Some Fun**

Clarke was lying on her bed with Finn sleeping beside her.

It had already been three days since her and Lexa’s conversation at the hospital. Lexa was released that morning; Clarke came home to their apartment, and Finn was there waiting for her, still clearly upset. They talked for hours, arguing mostly, about how Finn wanted Clarke to stay away from Lexa, and Clarke determinedly saying that she would never do that because Lexa’s her best friend. Finn was mad, but in the end, it was Clarke who won the argument, saying that Finn shouldn’t let her choose between him and Lexa because she wasn’t going to do that.

Clarke looked at the clock beside her.

_‘02:14 am’_

And she still couldn’t fuckin’ sleep. Of course, she couldn’t. How could she? She wouldn’t be able to see Lexa for a month and a half. Fuckin’ one and a freakin’ half month.

Lexa called her yesterday, saying that her work needed her to fly over to the other side of the country for a month and half. Clarke, kind of forgetting for a moment that she and Lexa were supposed to be in an awkward situation, reacted like she normally would before all the dramas that happened lately.

\--

_“What?! Why does it have to be a month and a half?” Clarke asked with more conviction tan she had to. With the tone of Clarke’s voice, Lexa could imagine Clarke’s frowning face and pouting face from the other side of the line. She wasn’t wrong at all. Because Clarke was without a doubt, frowning and pouting._

_“Clarke..” Lexa chuckled._

_“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” Clarke sighed. “But seriously, a month and a half? Isn’t that far too long?”_

_“Yeah, but I.. There’s just so much work stuff that has to be done.” Lexa said._

_“Okay. But.. who are you going with?”_

_“No one. I’m going alone. Like I said, it’s work.”_

_“Oh. Okay.” There was silence between them._

_Lexa can hear Clarke’s soft breathing. She could just listen to it and wouldn’t get tired. It’s like music to her ears. Every sound that Clarke makes is like music to Lexa’s ears._

_“Um..uh, can I call you? While you’re there?” Clarke asked shyly._

_Lexa smiled. Clarke has always been like this. Whenever she had to be gone for a few days or so for work, Clarke would always ask her if she’s allowed to call her…if she wasn’t too busy with work. And as Lexa would always say, she’s never too busy for Clarke._

_“Yes, Clarke, you can.” Lexa said, smiling. She could hear Clarke’s relieved sigh. Lexa thought for a second first before speaking again. She knew Clarke was thinking about what she said the other day. And so she sighed before speaking again, “Nothing’s changed between us, Clarke. And it won’t. I’m still your best friend like you are mine. I hope you know that.”_

_\--_

Clarke just sighed. She was staring at the dark ceiling; much like she and Lexa did when they slept beside each other.

Her thoughts were running wild in her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa. And the fact that she told her that she was moving on; only hours after she learned about Lexa’s feelings for her. And the fact that Lexa will be gone for a month and a half.

 _‘That’s too long. What if that’s her way of moving on? What if when she comes back she won’t love me anymore as much as she does right now? What if she’ll decide that she’ll stay away from me? What if..’_ Clarke thought worriedly.

 _‘Don’t be stupid Clarke. She told you that nothing’s changed between you two. Trust her.’_ Another part of her thought.

She frustratingly rubbed her hands on her face then rose up from lying and moved to a sitting position with her legs dangling on the side of the bed. She glanced at the sleeping figure beside her.

Finn wasn’t mad anymore. His anger just suddenly evaporated when he learned that Lexa would be gone for long. Clarke was annoyed because of that but decided to just leave him be.

She remembered about what Lexa said in the hospital. She knew how she was feeling when Lexa told her that she would be moving on. She thought about it and started questioning her feelings for her best friend. Does she love her too the same way Lexa does? Is she in love with her, too? But with all that, there was still this one factor that’s making her all confused. Finn. She was sure she loved Finn. At least that’s what she thought.

And Lexa.. Lexa’s finally moving on. She would finally be free from her feelings for Clarke. She wouldn’t get hurt anymore. And Clarke just wanted that. A hurt-free Lexa.

And saying that she loves Lexa the way Lexa loves her would complicate those things. It would be a risk for Lexa, who might get hurt again. And Clarke didn’t want that.

So maybe.. maybe it’s best to just let those feelings ebb away. Lexa’s still her best friend. That’s what’s important.

 

***

 

It had been a month already since Lexa flew to the other side of the country for “work stuff”, or so she told Clarke and their friends.

It was partly true, but as for the other parts, she was kind of withholding the truth. The truth was, she was only supposed to be gone for two weeks with work related stuff. But after she and Anya talked about her conversation with Clarke, Anya convinced her that she should take a vacation for herself. ‘Have fun.’ as she said. She wasn’t on board initially, just thinking about being away from Clarke for a long time, it didn’t seem to be a great idea. But after a very hard convincing from Anya, and after thinking about it over and over again, she decided that maybe it’s good for her, that maybe she really needed that long vacation.

And so she did have it.

She was having fun. Her fun being composed of shopping, sightseeing, lying on the beach-side, going to clubs, and stuff that would be categorized as ‘fun’.

She’s currently in a club right now drinking by the bar when a girl approached her.

“Lexa?” someone called from behind her. She turned her head at the back and there she saw a familiar woman. “Oh, my god. It’s really you! What are the chances of seeing you here!” The woman squealed.

 _‘What was her name again?’_ She was trying really hard to recall her name. She swore she knew it. It’s just on the tip of her tongue—she just had to really, really remember it. _‘Stupid alcohol.’_ She thought. The woman must have seen the struggle on her face—what with the frown on her face—and so she chuckled.

“Echo.” The woman said. “Jeez. You took me into your apartment, we _talked_ (not really) for hours, and now you’re telling me you forgot my name? Gosh, Lexa, I’m hurt.” Echo, as she put her hand on her chest and feigned hurt.

“Right. Echo. I’m sorry, must have been the drink.” Lexa said as she scratched her head.

“Yeah, for sure. It must have been the drink” Echo rolled her eyes and Lexa just shook her head, chuckling.

“What are you doing here?” Lexa asked.

“I’m here for vacation. We arrived just yesterday. Actually, I’m here with my cousin.” Echo turned to her back and there, a medium length, brown-haired woman was standing, smiling. “Costia, this is Lexa, my.. uh, friend..??” Echo, not sure about her relationship with Lexa. They drank, slept once, and had fun. Surely that counts as friends.

“Yeah, right.” Costia muttered, smirking.

“Shut up.” Echo rolled her eyes and Lexa chuckled at them. “Lexa, this is Costia. My cousin who I didn’t want to bring here in the first place but was being an ass if I didn’t.” Echo rolled her eyes. Lexa just shook her head, smiling.

“Hi Costia, nice meeting you.” Lexa smiled at Costia, reaching out her hand to her.

Costia took Lexa’s hand and smiled back. “Nice meeting you too, Lexa.” Lexa wasn’t sure if she saw Costia wink at her or was it only her tipsy mind making her see things? She wasn’t sure. But what she was sure of was that Costia moving her gaze from Lexa’s eyes then down to her nose then to her lips. Lexa swallowed and took back her hand. She cleared her throat and took a sip from her drink.

“So, uh, what are you doing here?” Echo asked. She wasn’t oblivious to what happened between the two, but not that she minded really.

“Work. And well, I extended for a vacation.” Lexa said, smiling.

Echo and Costia sat on each side of Lexa. Costia called for the bartender and ordered what Lexa was having. Echo ordered the same too.

Once they’re settled, Echo was the one to speak first.

“Wow. Really. Who would’ve thought I’d see you again, let alone here, out of state.” Echo said, shaking her head.

“Yeah, what are the chances.” Lexa laughed.

“Must have been faith.” Costia jested.

Lexa looked at her and there it was again—that look that Costia was giving her when they shook their hands. Lexa just took a sip from her drink.

They talked for a while and Lexa couldn’t help but think that Costia was flirting with her.

“You know, you’re really pretty. And for some reason, I don’t believe that you don’t have a girlfriend.” Costia said, giggling.

Yep. Definitely flirting with her.

“Well, believe it. Because as far as I know, she doesn’t do girlfriends.” Echo said, laughing. “But you did keep mentioning someone named Claire, was it? Who is she?” Echo asked.

“Clarke. She’s my best friend.” Lexa said.

“Oh. Interesting.” Costia said. “So, you like her?” she asked but Lexa didn’t answer. “Or maybe you’re in love with her?” she asked, but not to ask-ask, but to confirm-ask. When Lexa didn’t answer and just drank every drop of the drink from her glass, that confirmed it for Costia and Echo.

“Oh my god. You are!” Costia said, laughing. Lexa just gave her a _‘please just shut up’_ look and poured another drink in her glass and drank it.

If Lexa didn’t regret talking about Clarke to some of the girls she slept with before, well now she does. Why did Echo have to remember that? She came to this vacation to have a break from her “feelings” for Clarke, not talk about it.

“Wow. Okay, so I guess we’ve hit a sour spot.” Costia said as she chuckled. Lexa just ignored her.

A short while later, Echo told them that she’s going to the restroom and left the two alone. But the truth was, she did know that Costia was interested in Lexa, and having no problem with it, she decided to leave them alone for a while.

There was silence before Costia spoke.

“You know, you should have some fun.” Costia said, looking at Lexa who was holding her drink and just looking at nowhere.

“I’m having fun.” Lexa shrugged.

“No, you’re not. You know what you’re doing?” Costia asked. Lexa faced her, waiting for her to answer her own question. “You’re sulking.” Costia smirked. Lexa frowned at her. “What?” Costia asked, laughing. “It’s true. You’re sulking.” Costia snorted out a laugh. Lexa just rolled her eyes; Costia chuckled, finding the other girl so amusing.

Costia looked at the dance floor. There were a few people dancing there. She looked at the silent woman beside her, who seemed to be not interested in anything and wasn’t planning to get off from her seat. But Costia was known to be pretty convincing. And she really found Lexa very interesting despite the “I’m not interested’ look she kept showing. And she liked interesting. Interesting is usually challenging. And Costia, she’s all for challenges. So, she rose from her seat, and Lexa looked at her because of the sudden movement beside her.

Costia reached out her hands to Lexa.

“Come on, let’s dance!” Costia said brightly, pointing at the dance floor. Lexa just raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Actual fun, you know.” Costia smirked. “Come on..” Costia said, taking one of Lexa wrists. “It’ll be fun, I promise!” She said, raising her free hand to go with her promise.

Lexa looked at her for a second, and the woman was giving her a really, really big smile.

 _‘She’s right. Dancing is fun, and I should be having fun. That’s the reason I took this vacation in the first place.’_ Lexa thought.

“Okay, fine.” Lexa said and got down from her seat. Costia’s face suddenly lit up with excitement and dragged Lexa to the dance floor. Lexa just chuckled, amused at the persistence of the woman dragging her.

The music was upbeat, and they danced, and danced, and danced to it. There were times when Costia would go behind Lexa and pull their bodies closer together; times when Costia would put her face on the back of Lexa’s neck and almost touch her lips to it. Lexa could feel it but didn’t care. She also didn’t care when Costia would hold her hips and grind her front to Lexa’s back; and the fact that Lexa could feel Costia’s (gifted) breasts didn’t really bother her. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it wasn’t. But damn, Costia was right; Lexa was having very much fun. More than she would have thought she would.

And she was also already feeling hot. The alcohol. The dirty dancing. The closeness of their bodies together. It was all making her feel hot. And the fact that she hadn’t slept with anyone at all after her confession with Clarke, didn’t help either. So, when Costia made her turn around to face her, she just went with it. She didn’t even make a stop when Costia’s face moved closer to her neck. She could feel Costia’s breath, closer, and closer, until she finally felt Costia’s lips on her skin. Costia was putting soft kisses on Lexa’s neck, then going up to her jaw, then to her ear; she could feel her breath. Costia licked Lexa’s ear and Lexa couldn’t help but let out a soft moan. She gripped Costia’s waist. Costia smirked, then continued putting soft kisses down to Lexa’s jaw; then finally she moved closer to Lexa’s mouth. Costia was hovering her lips on Lexa’s lips; Lexa felt Costia’s breath for a second before their lips finally touched. Lexa felt Costia’s hand slowly moved from her hips to her behind. Costia was clutching her ass while they were still swaying to the beat of the music. Their kiss was getting deeper by the second and Lexa moaned when Costia pressed their hips closer together. Costia took that chance to push her tongue in Lexa’s mouth, and Lexa took it in. They were making out blatantly on the dance floor, and they didn’t care. Lexa was kissing Costia’s mouth; then down to her neck, when Costia pulled away from her carefully.

“I like you being bold and all.. but I think we should go somewhere more private.” Costia whispered breathlessly. Lexa smirked but nodded.

“My hotel is just five minutes away.” Lexa whispered back.

They drove to the hotel and went up to Lexa’s floor. Once the door to Lexa’s room was opened, they resumed their heavy making out.

Both of them were already on the bed, with their tops already off when Lexa’s phone started ringing. They ignored the phone and just went on with their business at first, but the phone still kept on ringing. So, frustratingly, Lexa got off Costia and went to get her phone and was already about to put it on silent when she saw who was calling her.

Clarke.

Lexa hastily answered the phone.

“Clarke?” Lexa answered eagerly.

“Hey.” Clarke said on the other side of the line. Lexa couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips.

“Hey just a sec.” Lexa said and quickly took the robe hanging by the chair and put it on. She looked over at Costia who was lying on her back with her elbow supporting her, still half naked, giving her an annoyed look. Lexa only mouthed a ‘sorry’ but Costia just rolled her eyes and let out a scoff. Lexa mouthed a sorry once again then went out to the balcony.

“Clarke, you still there?” Lexa asked after sitting on the small bench on the balcony.

“Yeah,” Clarke answered. “Um, what took you so long to answer? Is it a wrong time to call? I could just call you back some—”

“No!” Lexa said too quickly. “I mean, no. It’s fine. I was just.. doing something.” Lexa said timidly.

“Hey, Lex. Can I use the bathroom?” Lexa was startled when she heard Costia speak. Costia was slipping her head in the space between the sliding door of the balcony. Lexa’s eyes widened, clearly panicked. She was sure that Clarke heard Costia.

Costia seemed to notice her mistake and instantly covered her mouth with her own hands then mouthed a ‘I’m so sorry’. She looked genuinely sorry. Lexa just sighed. Costia asked her question again, but in a whisper this time. Lexa just nodded her head, giving Costia a small smile as if saying ‘okay’.

Lexa listened to the silence the other line was giving.

For some reason, she didn’t want Clarke to find out about her sexual activities. Not that it’s something new, but rather, she just felt like after her confession to Clarke, something changed in her. Suddenly, she just didn’t want to sleep with anyone anymore. She felt that if she sleeps with someone then she’ll be betraying Clarke and everything that she said to her. It’s not like she thinks that Clarke would suddenly care (more than a best friend should) after her confession, it was just something she felt. But tonight, with Costia, she was just tipsy, and really hot, and horny. And Costia would’ve been the first one she’d be sleeping with since her confession, that was if only Clarke hadn’t interrupted them with her call.

 “So.. you’re with someone right now?” Clarke asked softly. Lexa knew that Clarke was asking if she’s _with someone-someone_ , not just some _work related-someone_. Lexa took a deep breath, contemplating on whether she should make up some lame ass excuse or not. She decided against it.

“Yes.” Lexa answered truthfully. She could hear Clarke’s breath hitch before she cleared her throat.

“That’s.. that’s great.” Clarke said cheerfully, or at least she was trying to sound to. “So.. what’s her name?” Clarke asked softly, trying to sound _not really interested,_ although she _was interested_. Lexa frowned.

 _‘Why would she ask me her name? That’s a first.’_ Lexa thought.

“Why do you wanna know her name? You never ask for their names.” Lexa wasn’t hiding the surprise in her voice.

“Nothing.” Clarke answered quickly. “I just… no. It’s nothing. Never mind.” Clarke said. And Lexa sighed.

“Costia.” Lexa said. “Her name’s Costia.”

“Oh.” Clarke just said in a low voice.

“It’s not something serious, anyway.” Lexa felt the need to say that.

“Oh. Okay.” Lexa didn’t know if it’s just her imagination or not, but she thought she heard relief in Clarke’s voice. There’s still alcohol in her system. Maybe that’s what making her hear things that aren’t there. So, she just shrugged it off.

“How are you?” Lexa asked after a few seconds.

“I’m fine. I just.. I just really miss my best friend.” Clarke said softly, with a lace of sadness in her voice.

Lexa smiled. Clarke misses her.

“I miss mine too.” Lexa said.

“When are you coming home?” Clarke asked.

Lexa told her that she’d be gone for a month a half, but she really missed Clarke, and it’s not like there’s much left to do for two weeks anyway. And honestly, she wasn’t really having real fun until Costia took her to that dance floor. And that was while drinking. Maybe she should come home earlier. Yes. Maybe she should.

“This Saturday. I’m coming home this Saturday.” Lexa said. Saturday is just two days away. It’s enough to give her a little more self-time.

“Really?” Clarke sounded really excited. Lexa chuckled.

“Yes, Clarke. I’m coming home this Saturday.” Lexa said, smiling.

What Lexa didn’t know was that on the other side of the country, Clarke was there on her apartment’s balcony, looking at the picture of them together; smiling and feeling really happy with the news that she will be able to see her best friend in two days’ time. She’s like _really, really happy._ And she couldn’t fuckin’ wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really trying my best to write as much as I can despite school being here already. Please understand if I might upload a little later. :) I can assure you though that I will finish this story. But let's not get into that first, shall we? We still have a long way to go before the end. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


	9. I Think I Have Feelings For You Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a really long chapter. Enjoy!!

**CHAPTER 9: I Think I Have Feelings For You Too**

Lexa just finished talking to Clarke on the phone and she went back inside the room where Costia was sitting on the couch and using her phone. She glanced at Lexa when Lexa dropped herself on the bed, sighing loudly enough for Costia to hear.

“I’m really sorry about earlier.” Costia said.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” Lexa answered softly while staring at the ceiling.

“Was it your best friend? Clarke?” Costia asked curiously. “I saw how panicked your face was when I asked you if I could use the bathroom. I’m pretty sure she heard me and got the.. wrong idea. Will she get mad at you?”

“No, it’s not like that. We’re not... it’s just.. it’s complicated.” Lexa said as she sighed. Costia stood up and walked towards the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed.

The wallpaper on Lexa’s phone, which was lying a few inches away from Lexa, caught Costia’s attention. She took the phone and looked at it.

“Is this her?” Costia asked while staring at the photo. It was an up-closed photo of Clarke and Lexa with Clarke hugging Lexa’s neck and their face touching while smiling at the camera.

“Mm.” Lexa mumbled while eyes still at the ceiling.

“Wow. She’s really pretty.” Costia said, amazement found in her tone. “No wonder you don’t want just any girlfriend.” Costia let out a soft laugh. Lexa didn’t say anything.

“Hmm.. If you love her, why not just get into a relationship with her?” Costia asked, careful not to offend the girl in any way.

Lexa sighed.

“It’s not as easy as it seems.” Lexa said almost in a whisper.

“Yes, it is.” Costia answered, “Just tell her that you love her and that’s it.”

“Yeah. I wish it had been that easier. Then maybe it’s her I’m talking to right now and not you.” Lexa said, sarcasm in her voice.

“You told her?” Costia asked with a frown on her face. Lexa’s silence confirmed it for her. “Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, she doesn’t feel the same way as I do.” Lexa said softly.

“Did she tell you that?”

“She didn’t have to.”

“Well that’s just a bit presumptuous of you, isn’t it?” Costia said chuckling. “And what if she does? What if she does have feelings for you?”

Lexa was taken aback, but recovered a second later.

“No, I don’t think so. She doesn’t.” Lexa answered, shaking her head.

“How can you be so sure? I mean, she never really rejected you or your feelings—presuming based on you still talking to her on the phone earlier anyway—and she didn’t actually say she doesn’t feel the same way. So, how can you be so sure?” Costia said, letting out a slight chuckle.

Lexa turned her face to her and looked at her intently.

“She’s in a relationship with someone else.” Lexa said with a neutral voice. “If she loves me the way I do, then maybe it would have been me she’s in a relationship with right now. Not someone else.” Lexa said, faking a smile at Costia. She then turned her gaze back at the ceiling. “So yes, Costia, I’m pretty sure she’s not in love with me.”

“Oh.” was the only response Costia could give.

There was silence for a moment before Costia spoke again.

“Do you know why I wanted to go on this vacation?” Costia asked softly.

Lexa looked at her curiously.

“No. But I’m guessing you’re about to tell me why.” Lexa said, letting out a chuckle, and Costia did so too.

“Yes, I am.” Costia said, still chuckling.. She then took a deep breath before speaking. “My girlfriend for 6 years.. she broke up with me.” Costia said.  “She was my best friend too, you know.” Costia said, looking deeply at the photo on Lexa’s phone.

Lexa stared at her. Surprised. Suddenly, the flirtatious girl from the bar was gone and there in front of her was nothing but a sad and heartbroken girl.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said softly. “Can I ask what happened?”

“She left me for someone else. I thought it was because of something that I did. Or I didn’t do. I thought over about everything. Because there must be something that I did. Something that would make sense as to why she chose someone over me. But nothing, everything was perfect. Even the sex,” Costia said, laughing a little. “But still it wasn’t enough.” Costia said as she smiled sadly.. Lexa rose into a sitting position in front of Costia, and tried to comfort her by rubbing Costia’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa said softly.

 “I still love her. I think I’ll always do.” Costia said, smiling. “But you know what? The difference between you and I,” Costia pointed at Lexa and herself, “..is that your girl never told you she doesn’t love you, while mine.. she did.” Costia said, her voice full of sadness. “And now I’m here, having the vacation of my life. Because as much as life sucks, I still have to live with it.” Costia forced a laugh.

Lexa couldn’t help but feel pity towards the girl in front of her. So, she moved closer to the girl and hugged her in a comforting way.

They stayed like that for a moment.

“Hey,” Costia mumbled after the silence.

“Mm?”

“You should know, I know I’m pretty and all, but I’m not really ready to jump into anything more than casual right now. My sappy story wasn’t meant to get you to have a pity relationship with me. You can go back to being cold now.” Costia said jokingly. Lexa laughed and removed herself from the hug.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on doing that.” Lexa said, laughing.

“Good. Because I really don’t need any more dramas in my life than I already have now.” Costia said as she rolled her eyes. “But I do need some more friends in my life. You think you could fill that?” Costia asked while wiggling her eyebrows.

“Well, I guess you’re not too bad to have as a friend.” Lexa said shrugging. Costia looked at her with disbelief then laughed, and Lexa joined her.

After the laughter died off, Costia spoke again.

“Thank you.” Costia said with a smile on her face.  “It’s nice, letting it out, you know. I haven’t even told Echo this yet. And for that, she might just kill me. Right after killing her.. my ex I mean.” Costia said laughing.

“Well I’m glad I could be of help.. somehow. Even though I did nothing really.” Lexa said chuckling.

Costia looked at her watch that was on her wrist.

“I should go back to the hotel now. Echo could be waiting, I forgot to text her.” Costia said, standing up from the bed.

“Or, you know, you could just stay, it’s already late anyway.” Lexa said. Costia raise an eyebrow at her. “Just friends.” Lexa said as she chuckled.

“Okay. But I’m not sleeping on the couch.” Costia said laughing.

And Lexa being the gentle woman that she was, let Costia sleep on her bed while she slept on the couch.

 

***

 

It’s Saturday and Clarke and Finn were at their apartment. Finn was lying on the bed watching Clarke going about all over the room.

“Are you going somewhere?” Finn asked Clarke as he saw her putting stuff in her handbag and was wearing an outdoor outfit.

“I’m going at Lexa’s. She’s coming home today.” Clarke said nonchalantly. Finn instantly frowned.

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Clarke faced her, frown in her face. “My best friend is coming home, Finn. And I haven’t seen her in a month. Of course I’d want to see her.” She said firmly. Finn just stared at her with grimace. “Look, I’m not arguing about this with you again. Why don’t you just go to wherever you are these past few weeks?” Clarke told him, and Finn looked at her in confusion and surprised. “What? You don’t think I’ve noticed? You’ve been coming home drunk more often, and some nights you don’t even come home at all. I’d be stupid if I didn’t notice. But did I question you once? I didn’t, right? Because you kept saying it was work. So okay, fine. It’s work. Whatever. I’m not stopping you. So please, don’t even try to stop me now just because I want to go see my best friend.” Clarke said then picked up her bag and went out of the room.

 

***

 

Clarke, Raven, and Anya were at Lexa’s and Anya’s apartment. Clarke was waiting for Lexa to get home, whilst the other two were just.. together.

“What time did she say she’ll get home?” Raven asked Clarke. They were on the couch; Anya and Raven eating for late breakfast, while Clarke was watching tv.

Clarke looked at her watch.

“She didn’t really say, she just said she’s already on her way from the airport. But it was a while ago. She must be near already.”

“Mm.” Raven nodded. Clarke went on with watching while Raven and Anya were still eating while having a conversation. Clarke wasn’t interested about their conversation until she heard Raven asked about Lexa.

“I thought she wasn’t coming home until two weeks, what changed?” Raven asked Anya.

“I don’t know. Guess her work there was finished earlier than expected.” Anya said shrugging. She had to tell her that because work was Lexa’s reason for going away. “What surprises me is why she still chooses to come home earlier than she should have. She seemed to be really having fun with someone when I called her yesterday. And that someone has a name—Costia.” Anya shook her head while chuckling.

Clarke, who was still focused on the television, or at least pretending to, frowned.

 _‘Costia? That was the girl with Lexa the other night, wasn’t it? I thought it was nothing serious.’_ Clarke thought.

“She normally doesn’t tell me about the girls she’s with, so I thought maybe, you know, there’s something in there.” Anya said teasingly while wiggling her eyebrows.

Clarke clutched the remote in her hands.

“But she insisted they were just friends. Like, yeah, sure.” Anya said laughing.

Raven took a subtle glance at Clarke, and there, very clear, she saw that Clarke was frowning while “watching” a funny show on tv.

_‘Yep. She’s listening.’_

“Okay,” Raven cleared her throat. “I’m done eating. Are you done eating?” She asked Anya.

She had to steer Anya away from the topic about Lexa and her _friend._

“Yes,” Anya said, standing up. She then took Raven’s plate. “Let me just wash these.” Anya said then went to the kitchen.

Once Anya was out of earshot, Raven moved closer to Clarke.

“Hey, you okay there?” Raven asked Clarke.

“What?” Clarke looked at her, surprised. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” She said, shifting her position on the couch.

“Clarke, I know you heard us talking.” Clarke frowned at her. “You should’ve seen your face—exactly what you’re giving me right now, but more on the deathly spectrum, while watching a funny show.” Raven said as she chuckled.

“What do you want me to say?” Clarke asked, clearly annoyed.

“Nothing. Nothing. I just hope that whatever’s bothering you while we were talking about Lexa’s supposedly friend—you’ll figure it out soon.” Raven shrugged.

Clarke was about to argue when the door opened. They turned their heads towards it and there they saw Lexa coming in with a suitcase.

“Lexa!” Clarke practically jumped from her seat. She’d suddenly forgotten what she and Raven were talking about once she saw brunette.

Lexa hadn’t even managed to close the door yet when Clarke ran to her and hugged her—not to mention so tightly.

“God, I’ve missed you so much.” Clarke mumbled through Lexa’s neck.

Lexa was taken aback for a second then relaxed when she recovered from the sudden action. She hugged Clarke back, and smiled.

“I’ve missed you too.” Lexa said. Clarke’s hug was too tight, but she didn’t really care. She really missed Clarke.

They were like that for a moment before Anya came out from the kitchen.

“You’re here!” Anya shouted joyfully. Clarke forcefully detached herself from Lexa.

“Yes, I’m here.” Lexa smiled. She and Anya hugged and when they detached, Anya ruffled Lexa’s hair. “Wow. You look like you’ve grown an inch taller.” Anya said laughing.

“Anya—stop doing that.” Lexa said, annoyed, while putting Anya’s hand away from her hair and fixing it. “Stay away from my hair.” She gave Anya a glare and Anya just laughed.

Lexa closed the door behind her and pulled her suitcase into the living area. She smiled at Clarke first before approaching Raven who was standing and watching the three of them reunite.

“Hey, Raven.” Lexa greeted and hugged her.

“Hey Woods, welcome back!” Raven said cheerfully and hugging her back. “Finally, you’re here. Clarke here’s always been cranky without her best friend.” Raven laughed. Clarke rolled her eyes at her. “Don’t worry, Griffin, Octavia and I aren’t offended. Not at all.” Raven snickered. Clarke and Lexa laughed at the joke. The joke was that Lexa was Clarke’s favourite amongst Raven, Octavia, and Lexa. Not that it wasn’t true, because it was, but they just got used to Lexa and Clarke always being together that it never bothered Raven and Octavia anymore.

“Have you eaten already? There’s still food in the kitchen if you want to eat.” Anya told Lexa.

 “No, I already ate on the plane. I just kind of want to take a rest. The flight was really exhausting.” Lexa said as she sat down and leaned on the couch.

“Clarke specifically waited for you, and you’re just going to sleep on her? That’s new.” Anya said laughing.

“I could just go home.” Clarke interrupted looking at Lexa.

“No,” Lexa quickly said. “I kind of, um, want to give you something.” Lexa said shyly.

Clarke couldn’t hide her smile.

“Hey, how about me? Your sister? Aren’t you going to give me something too?” Anya asked, eyebrows furrowed. Lexa chuckled.

“Oh, shut up. She wasn’t in love with you.” Raven snorted. Lexa, Clarke, and Anya froze, and when Raven noticed it, she realized what she just said. “Oops. Uh.. too soon?” Raven asked.

“No, it’s okay.” Lexa just said. “It’s kind of true.” Lexa laughed. She then noticed Clarke’s eyes widened, “But don’t worry,” she quickly said, “I’m kind of moving on now.” She gave Raven a shy smile, in which is  the reason why she missed Clarke’s slight show of a frown on her face.

“Well, that’s great to hear. Won’t be awkward anymore.” Raven chuckled, but then Anya nudged her. ”Okay, I’m shutting up now.”

Lexa rose from her seat then carried her suitcase. She was a few steps away from the couch when she noticed Clarke still standing on her place.

“Um, Clarke, aren’t you coming with me?” She asked.

“Oh. Right. Yeah.” Clarke said dumbly.

The two of them then entered Lexa’s room and Clarke suddenly, with unknown reasons, felt awkward.

 _‘Why the heck am I suddenly feeling like this? Everything’s fine now. Don’t ruin it by making it awkward. So get yourself together, Griffin.’_ Clarke thought to herself.

“Can you wait here first? Let me just change into something comfortable.” Lexa said.

“Um, sure. Of course.” Clarke said as she sat on the bed.

Lexa opened and closet and dug through her clothes. She took out some clothes and went into the bathroom.

Clarke instantly put her hands on her face the moment Lexa closed the bathroom door behind her.

“Seriously, Clarke, what is happening to you?” Clarke whispered to herself. “She’s moving on. She had fun with someone. What’s wrong with that?” Clarke said as she rubbed her cheeks with her hands. “Oh god.” Clarke grumbled and planted herself on the bed.

 

Lexa entered the bathroom and changed her clothes.

When she got out, Clarke was lying on the bed.

“Getting comfortable, I see.” Lexa smirked. Clarke was startled and suddenly got up.

“I’m sorry, I was just—”

“Clarke, relax. I was kidding.” Lexa said. She looked at Clarke curiously. “What is happening to you? Why are you suddenly being so jumpy and awkward?” Lexa asked, frowning.

“What? I’m not—”

“Clarke,” Lexa sat on the bed. “You’re my best friend. I know when you’re not yourself. And this—being so jumpy and awkward around me—this isn’t you.” Lexa said softly. Clarke avoided her gaze. “Is this.. is this about what I said last month? Am I making you uncomfortable? Do you.. do you want me to stay away from you?”

“What? No!” Clarke quickly answered, her eyebrows furrowed.

Lexa breathed a sigh of relief.

 “Then.. then why are you being like this?”

“It’s just.. are you really moving on?” Clarke asked softly.

Lexa stared at her, trying to understand what’s happening. She then took a deep breath.

“I’m trying, Clarke. So, if you’re worried about me getting in your way, don’t, because I won’t.”

 _‘That’s the problem, I don’t want you to move on. And I don’t know why and I’m confused and all.’_ Clarke thought.

Lexa was about to say something more when her phone on the nightstand rang. Since Clarke was near it, she saw the name of the caller.

_‘Costia.’_

Lexa took the phone and rejected the call. She gave Clarke an awkward smile. “I’m sorry, it was just..”

“Costia.” Clarke finished the sentence for her. “Yeah, I saw.” Clarke said, trying as much as possible not to show the bitterness in her voice. “She’s the one you were with when I called you the other night, right? I thought it was nothing serious?”

“Yeah, well she’s great. We’re kind of friends now.” Lexa said awkwardly.

“Oh. Uh, that’s great.” Clarke just said. “So, you said you were going to give me something?” Clarke, trying to change the subject.

“Oh, right. Yes,” Lexa said, standing up from the bed, and dug around her suitcase and took something from it.

“I saw this while I was shopping and well, I, uh, thought about you.” Lexa said bashfully.

It was a Tiffany & Co box.

Clarke’s eyes widened when she saw the box. Lexa gave her the box.

“Lex, you shouldn’t have.” She said as she opened the box and found a pouch in there.

“I know. I just remembered you is all. And it was begging me to buy her. Couldn’t resist.” Lexa said jokingly while chuckling. Clarke smiled then opened the pouch.

It was a charm bracelet with art-related charms on it.

Clarke’s eyes stared at it with admiration, her mouth slightly opened.

“Wow, Lex. This is so beautiful.” She said softly, still looking at it. All awkwardness gone now. The bracelet washed it all away. “Thank you so much!” She said as she threw her arms around Lexa’s neck. She removed her arms then stared once again at the present in front of her. “Can I wear it?” She asked eagerly.

Lexa laughed.

“The reason why I bought it.” Lexa chuckled. Clarke smiled at her then unhooked the bracelet.

Lexa helped Clarke put the bracelet on.

 

***

 

“So, uh, is your work away from home all finished and done?” Clarke asked Lexa.

They were lying on the bed together once again, but this time, Clarke was lying on her side, facing Lexa who was lying on her back.

“Yes. It is.” Lexa said.

She was slightly uncomfortable because she can feel Clarke staring at her. Clarke knew she has feelings for her, why is she making this more difficult by doing… this?

“That was the first time we’ve gone without seeing each other for more than a week, did you know that?” Clarke whispered.

“Yes.”

“I really missed you, you know.” Clarke said. “Are you going to be away again soon that long?”

Lexa didn’t answer immediately.

“I.. I don’t know.” Lexa answered truthfully.

It’s true. She didn’t know because everything that could happen would always be unpredictable. And going away, no matter how much she missed Clarke, it was very, very much easier.

“Did you know that.. I couldn’t help but think that the reason you went away was to avoid me?” Clarke asked slowly. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “I was worried, you know.. that when you return, your feelings for me would have disappeared.” Clarke whispered, and Lexa looked at her with confusion. Clarke shifted so that she was now lying on her back and was looking at the ceiling. “You have me confused, you know. After all those confessions you made. For the past month, all I could think about was everything that’s happened. Your confession, you saying you’re moving on, and my own feelings of confusion about all of that. I thought about everything—hard. About everything that I couldn’t let myself see. That when Anya revealed your hidden feelings for me—all I could think about was that I wanted to hear it straight from you. Not just hear it from you. I wanted a confirmation. I wanted you to tell me that it’s true. And then you did. When you told me that you love me more than just a best friend—there was a surge of energy in me that I’ve never felt before. It was just.. incredible. I felt happy-here.” Clarke smiled as she put her right hand on her chest—right where her heart resides. “And then when you told me that you would try to stop those feelings; that you would move on from me—suddenly it’s like my heart just stopped beating. I really hated hearing those words. I.. I just don’t know what you did to me. What _you’re_ _doing_ to me.” Clarke said with a low voice. Lexa stared at her with eyes wide open, still processing everything that Clarke just said.

“Clarke..” Lexa whispered, but Clarke still didn’t face her.

“I think.. I think I have feelings for you too.” Clarke said then turned to look at Lexa. There were tears in her eyes. “And I don’t want you moving on from me.”

Lexa panicked when she saw Clarke’s tearful eyes.

“Hey, hey..” Lexa said while sitting up, and she put her hands on Clarke’s face and wiped off her tears. “Hey.. don’t cry.” Lexa said softly.

Clarke held Lexa’s hands.

“Please tell me you won’t move on from me.” Clarke said desperately.

“Clarke..” Lexa just said.

“Please.. tell me you won’t.”

“Clarke, you’re with Finn.” Lexa said, frowning slightly. She tried to take her hands back carefully, but Clarke held it tightly.

“I know.. I just.. just please tell me.”

“Clarke.. you’re.. you’re being selfish.” Lexa said with furrowed eyes. She took her hands back more forcefully and Clarke let it go with surprise. Clarke looked at her with confusion and hurt in her eyes. “I.. I love you. You know I do. But you can’t tell me all this while you’re still.. in a relationship with Finn. I.. I can’t have that. I feel like.. you’re toying with my feelings. So please, I’m the one begging you. Please, stop doing this.” Lexa said.

Clarke stared at her, hurt. She got up and fixed herself.

“You’re.. You’re right. I’m being selfish. I’m sorry. I should go.” Clarke said, her voice broken, and hurriedly went out the room and out of the apartment. She heard Raven called her name, but just ignored it.

 

***

 

Clarke was driving her car, tears running down her face. She was upset. She’s managed to sort out her feelings then that happened.

She drove for about an hour and there was only one destination she had in mind.

Once she reached her destination, she quickly got off the car and knocked on the door of the house she arrived at.

A middle-aged man opened the door to welcome her.

“Clarke!” Marcus instantly hugged Clarke. “Hey honey!” He called to someone inside. “Guess who’s finally paying us a visit!” Marcus shouted happily then separated himself from Clarke. “Hey, how are—what happened to you?” His face suddenly frowned when he saw his daughter’s red and puffy eyes. Clarke didn’t answer and just hugged him again. Marcus was surprised but recovered quickly. He heard her sniffed, and instantly he knew his daughter was not okay. He hugged her and rubbed his hand on his daughter’s hair.

“It’s fine.. just let it all out.” Marcus said softly.

“Who -“ Abby appeared from somewhere inside and was instantly shut up when she saw what’s happening in front of her.

She just stood there and let the father and daughter hug it out.

“Do you want to come inside?” Marcus asked Clarke a minute later.

“Yeah.” Clarke answered and pulled back from the hug and wiped off the tears on her face. “I’m sorry. I’m such a crybaby.” Clarke said, faking a laugh.

“You’re still my baby, so you can cry on me as much as you want, whenever you want.” Marcus said, smiling at Clarke. Clarke returned the smile.

They got inside; Abby cooked, and they ate. They hadn’t asked Clarke yet about what happened, but there would be plenty of time for that later after they enjoyed eating and watching some movies.

Marcus Griffin and Abby Griffiin are Clarke’s loving parents. Clarke only get to see Marcus whenever she visits home. And while she always sees Abby at the hospital, being at home with them, it was different. There was no work between them, there’s just them as a family, having family time.

They were on the couch and they just finished watching a movie. Abby was leaning her back on Marcus’ chest while Clarke’s head was resting on Abby’s lap.

Marcus turned the tv off and they just stayed in that position for a few minutes, until Abby decided it’s time to ask Clarke about what happened.

“Hey sweetie,” Abby said as she patted Clarke’s head. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It was always like this—whenever Clarke had problems, she would go visit them and they’d eat and watch movies until she’s ready to talk about it.

Clarke took a deep breath.

“It’s just.. it’s Lexa..” Clarke started. Abby and Marcus exchanged a knowing look. “We had a disagreement. Well, kind of.” She said as she looked at the bracelet Lexa gave her.

Clarke told everything that happened. And by everything, she meant _everything_. From Anya’s revelations to what happened earlier between her and Lexa. Even the way she was feeling. She told them. There’s no point of hiding it anymore. Later or sooner the news of Lexa’s feelings for her would reach them eventually. And as for her own feelings, of course she’d tell her parents. She tells them everything about her. Except for the things that weren’t needed to be told.

“So yeah, I kind of walked out on her after I told her about my feelings and she told me that I was being selfish.” Clarke said stubbornly.

“But sweetie,” Marcus said softly. “You were kind of.. being selfish.”

Clarke sighed.

“I know. I know I was.” Clarke said as she shifted into a sitting position. “I just.. I don’t know. I guess I was just upset. I know I practically dropped something big on her. But it was the truth.. I think.. I think I love her.” Clarke said softly.

“We know it is. And we know you do.” Abby said, and Clarke looked at her with a confused and questioning look. “We’ve always known.” Abby smiled. Clarke looked at Marcus as if to confirm, and he just smiled at her too. “Ever since Lexa came into your life—our life, all you talked about was her. We instantly knew there was something. But we wanted you to discover it yourself. Especially in knowing your sexuality. But I guess you didn’t know that like we did. The both of you insisted you were just friends, so we thought we’d just let you figure it all out. But then Finn came, we were surprised, but we saw that you were happy, and that’s enough for us, so we thought we’d just let you be.” Abby said softly. “But we’ve always known. We’ve always known that there was something between Lexa and you.” Abby said gently.

“That’s.. that’s what Raven said. But how?” Clarke asked softly. “I didn’t even know.” Clarke said as she shook her head.

“Because you were busy worrying about your friendship with her, and then.. you were busy being with someone else.” Marcus said. “There wasn’t enough time to figure out how you were feeling. I guess Lexa telling you she loves you—it washed away all your worries about her not feeling the same way and ruining your friendship. And without those worries, all your feelings for her, it just came to surface.” Marcus said. Abby nodded in agreement.

“But how about Finn?” Clarke asked. But it wasn’t really a question for her parents, it was a question for herself.

“We don’t know, sweetie.” Marcus said. “You know how you feel. It’s all up to you how you’d want it to go on. But Lexa’s right. You can’t expect her to not move on from you while you’re still in a relationship with Finn. Don’t you think she’s suffered enough after all those years of actually knowing she loved you and not pursuing something more, because like you were, she was afraid to lose your friendship..?” Marcus asked, and Clarke didn’t say anything.

“Whatever you decide.. just know that we’re here for you and we’ll be happy with whichever path you choose, as long as you’re happy with it too.” Abby smiled and hugged her. Clarke hugged her back and Marcus hugged the both of them.

 “I know. And I’m forever grateful for that.” She mumbled. After a few moments she detached herself from the hug and looked at them with a genuine smile. “Thank you for this. I needed this.” Clarke said genuinely.

“Of course, sweetie. You can always count on us. Always.” Abby said, smiling.

“I love you guys so much.” Clarke said as she hugged them back again.

“Oh sweetie, we love you too.” Marcus said.


	10. This Feels Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happened at TonDC.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got sick this past week so I'm proud of myself I still managed to get this done. So, I hope you'll love or like this chapter. ;)

**CHAPTER 10: This Feels Right**

Lexa was still on the bed, staring at the door where Clarke just stormed out, when Anya entered from it. There was worry plastered on her face.

“Hey, Lex.. we saw Clarke walking out the apartment. Is there any problem?” Anya asked.

“No. It’s nothing. Just had a misunderstanding.” Lexa gave her a forced smile. Anya stared at her and nodded, understanding that Lexa didn’t want to say anything.

“Okay. If you need something, we’re just right here.” Anya said pointing outside the room.

“Okay, thanks.” Lexa said and Anya closed the door, leaving Lexa alone in her room.

Her heart was still beating fast; everything that Clarke said, it caught her off guard. All along, she thought that Clarke didn’t love her the way she loved Clarke, and so she absolutely wasn’t expecting Clarke to say that. But what she said to Clarke—being selfish, and feeling like she’s playing with her feelings—it was true. Lexa had already come to terms that she would be moving on, because a chance of being in a relationship with Clarke—it was near to zero possibility. Or so she thought. And then Clarke telling her not to move on while she was still in a relationship with Finn, it made her feel like Clarke didn’t care about her, whether she’d get hurt or not.

Lexa lied down on the bed.

 _‘But what if what she said was true? What if she really does feel something for me?’_ Lexa thought.

She had to admit, something inside of her ignited when Clarke was saying those things. She felt a temporary excitement. Excitement that all died off the moment she thought about their whole situation; Clarke being in a relationship.

Lexa let out a sigh.

 _‘I need to talk to her..’_ Lexa thought. _‘But not right now. I’ll give her some time to think some more. Yes. That’s right.’_

Lexa just let her thoughts about what happened run in her mind until she fell asleep.

**

Lexa woke up when she heard knock on her door.

“Lexa?” Someone called from outside.

“Come in,” Lexa groaned on her pillows. The door opened and came in Raven. Lexa looked at her curiously.

“Hey, I’m really sorry to wake you up..” Raven said apologetically. “But Finn called. He was asking if Clarke stayed the night here because she didn’t come home.”

Lexa’s entire body suddenly woke up.

“What?” She asked, hastily rising from the lying. “What time is it?” She asked as she quickly took her phone from the nightstand.

“It’s already past midnight.”

“Have you tried calling her?”

“She’s not answering her phone.”

Lexa dialed Clarke’s number but Raven was right. Clarke wasn’t answering.

“Do you know somewhere she might’ve gone?” Raven asked worriedly.

Lexa frowned. Thinking.

“I don—ah, wait.” Lexa said. “I think I know where she is.”

Raven breathed a sigh of relief.

“Where?”

“At her parents. I think? She always goes there after..” Lexa trailed off. “..after a bad day.” She said in a lower voice. Raven nodded, as if saying she understood what she meant.

“Okay. Thank God. Damn, that woman will be the death of me.” Raven mumbled the last statement to herself. “Can you please call the Griffins just to make sure?” She asked Lexa.

“Of course. Yes.” Lexa nodded and smiled. Raven smiled back and went out of the room. Lexa then dialed Abby’s number.

It took several rings before it was answered.

“Lexa?” Abby answered sleepily on the other line.

“Abby, uh, I’m really sorry to call you up so late.” Lexa said apologetically.

“No, it’s okay. What’s wrong?” Abby said worriedly.

“I was wondering if Clarke’s there with you?” Lexa asked. “We kind of had a disagreement hours ago and she ran off. Finn called and said that Clarke didn’t come home. We tried to call her, but she wasn’t answering. I figured she went there. I just wanted to make sure that she’s really there and that she’s safe.” Lexa said softly.

“Yes, she’s here. You don’t have to worry.” Abby said, smiling even though Lexa couldn’t see.

“Um, okay, great.” There was an awkward silence, or at least on Lexa’s side. She was about to say goodbye when Abby spoke again.

“Lexa, the two of you should talk.”

The younger woman sighed. She was expecting this. Knowing too well why Clarke would go to her parents’ house after things like what happened between them earlier happen; Clarke always tells her parents everything and they always know just the right things to say to make their daughter feel at least a little better. And Lexa loved the Griffins more for that.

“Yes, I know. And we will.” Lexa answered softly.

“Don’t let this get too far as it already is.” Abby said with concern in her voice.

“We won’t. I won’t.” Lexa answered and sighed.

“Okay, I’ll go now. Remember what I said.”

“Okay. Thank you, Abby.” Lexa said and hung up the phone.

 

**

 

The Griffins were eating breakfast the next morning.

“Lexa called late last night.” Abby said casually, and Clarke looked at her, surprised. “You didn’t tell anyone you were coming here. You got them worried. You got _her_ worried.” Abby emphasized the last statement.

Clarke bit her lips.

“I’m sorry. I forgot to tell them.” She said as she scratched the back of her neck.

“Clarke, you know how much we love you coming here. But you disappearing without telling anyone where you’re going is not a great idea. There are people who worry about you. And she told me you weren’t answering your phone.” Abby chided.

“Wha—oh. I think I left it in the car.” Clarke scratched her head.

Abby just shook her head.

“Don’t worry, Mom.” Clarke said a moment later. “I’m not, like, avoiding her or something. I’ll talk to her. I want to talk to her.”

Abby nodded. “That’s good. The sooner the better.”

Clarke smiled, nodding her head.

 

**

 

Clarke was already on her way to their apartment room after having spent a night and day at her parent’s house.

She opened the door to their apartment and was surprised by what was waiting for her in there. Standing in the middle of their living area was Finn, holding a bouquet of flowers.

Clarke stared at him with confusion, and Finn cleared his throat before speaking.

“Look, I know I’ve been an ass, and I’m sorry. But I don’t want to lose you, okay? I’m your boyfriend. So you can’t really blame me if I don’t like you spending more time with your so called best friend who’s in love with you—"

Finn’s speech was cut when they heard the elevator open behind Clarke. Since Clarke was still standing by the door and haven’t closed it yet, Finn could be seen clearly from the outside. And there in the elevator that just opened, a brunette woman with deep green eyes, both her hands in the pocket of her jeans, gazing plainly at the blonde, who went to face her, and even glanced at the standing man across the blonde.

The three of them just stared at each other for a few seconds, completely not expecting the scene that was taking action before them. They continued staring at each other until the elevator was starting to close again with the brunette still inside.

“Lexa..” Clarke muttered as the elevator was closing; Lexa still standing inside. Before the elevator completely closed, Clarke managed to see a glimpse of the brunette’s face; was it.. gloomy?

 _‘What is she doing here?’_ Clarke thought.

“Clarke,” Finn called. Clarke was startled, completely forgetting that Finn was also there apologizing to her, or at least was trying to. She faced him and saw that he was frowning. “What did she want?” He asked.

“I don’t know. You were there. We didn’t talk, did we?” Clarke tried not sound sarcastic but failed. Before getting inside and closing the door behind her, she glanced one more time at the elevator, and then walked towards the couch. She sat down and leaned her back on it.

Finn sat on the other couch just near Clarke; he gave the flowers to Clarke and she took it and put it on the center table absentmindedly. And then Finn started talking.

Clarke knew Finn was saying something; she could hear him say something, but to her ears, it was all just a buzzing sound. She didn’t understand a word that Finn said, not since Lexa appeared in that elevator. All she could think about was Lexa. She wanted to talk to Lexa. A deep conversation with Lexa. That’s what she wanted at that moment.

“Clarke? Do you hear me? Clarke,” Finn said. Clarke was pulled from her thoughts.

“Huh? What?”

“I said I promise that I will try to act as casual as possible with Lexa. If that’s what you want, I’ll do that.” Finn smiled and took Clarke’s hands into his.

“Ah, yes, that’s great.” Clarke forced a smile on her face. They looked at each other for a moment. And then the next thing happening was Finn advancing his head towards Clarke and Clarke immediately turning her head to avoid Finn’s kiss.

“Um, I think I’m going to bed now. I’m a little tired.” Clarke said, taking her hands from Finn’s and standing up from the couch.

Finn was surprised but quickly recovered. He just shook his head.

“Ah. Yeah, of course.” Finn said and standing up too. “I just have to call someone, and I’ll follow in later.” Finn said.

“Okay.” Clarke simply answered then went into the room.

 

***

 

Days had passed, and Clarke still hadn’t had the chance to talk to Lexa; with all the stuff she had going at the hospital, there wasn’t really enough time. She wanted to call and ask Lexa about her coming to the apartment, but she didn’t want their talk after the incident in Lexa’s apartment to be on the phone.

She was eating dinner alone at their apartment since Finn hadn’t come home yet when her phone buzzed.

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Guys, a private celebration at TonDC on Friday. Everyone is invited. :)_

 **_Raven_ ** _: Cool! I’m coming!_

 **_Jasper_ ** _: Wow! A celebration! I’m never one to decline an invitation._

 **_Bellamy_ ** _: You know I’m coming :)_

 **_Raven_ ** _: What are we celebrating?_

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Just something. You’ll know when you get there. :)_

 **_Raven_ ** _: Oohh. That’s interesting._

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Just be there._

 **_Raven_ ** _: I will, as long as you promise me free booze._

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Hahaha. Of course, Raven. It’s a celebration in the first place. :)_

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Ugh, Raven._

 **_Raven_ ** _: What, O? Had to make sure._

 **_Monty_ ** _: I had something planned. Guess I have to cancel._

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: Thanks, Monty._

 **_Monty_ ** _: Anytime :)_

 **_Anya_ ** _: Just waiting for someone’s confirmation._

 **_Lincoln_ ** _: What confirmation?_

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Yeah, what confirmation?_

 **_Lexa_ ** _: I’ll be there._

 **_Anya_ ** _: That confirmation._

 **_Finn_ ** _: We’ll be there too._

 ** _Finn:_** _Right, Clarke?_  


Clarke frowned at what she read then rolled her eyes.

 

 **_Octavia_ ** _: Clarke? You’re coming, right?_

 **_Clarke_ ** _: Ah yes, I’ll be there as well :)_

***

 

It’s already Friday night and the group were on a private area in the club; an enclosed platform five feet higher than the rest of the floor where only they can enter.

Lincoln and Octavia were standing in front of the group.

“Guys, thank you for coming.” Lincoln started. “This celebration is really special for us, and we’re both glad that all of you are here.” Lincoln smiled. Octavia nodded happily. Lincoln took Octavia’s hand in his and cleared his throat to prepare to say something more. 

But not before Raven interrupted him.

“Oh my god.” Raven exclaimed, “Don’t tell me you’re engaged?!” She pointed at Lincoln and Octavia.

“Wow, Raven.” Octavia rolled her eyes, “Way to ruin our announcement.”

“Oh my god, O!” Raven exclaimed excitedly.

Octavia turned to Lincoln. “I told you she’d somehow find a way to ruin it. I was right.” She muttered to Lincoln and he chuckled.

“Well, that’s pretty much what we wanted to say.” Lincoln smiled at the group. “Octavia and I..” She looked at Octavia in the eyes, and Octavia did the same. “We’re engaged.” He said with happiness visible in his eyes, and kissed Octavia on the forehead.

Their friends cheered happily and each and everyone went to congratulate them. Lexa rose from her seat and walked towards Lincoln who just finished talking to Anya.

“Wow.” Lexa said and Lincoln just grinned. “Finally.”

“Yep. Finally.” Lincoln smiled the biggest smile he could give.

“I’m really happy for you. For the both of you. You finally got your girl.” Lexa said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Lex. Yes.Yes, I did.” Lincoln smiled and glanced at Octavia who was talking with the rest of the girls. She turned to look back at Lexa.

“Now I’m hope you get yours too.” Lincoln grinned and was subtly gesturing his head towards Clarke who was happily talking with Octavia and the girls. Lexa looked at what Lincoln was aiming and just chuckled.

“This is about yours, not mine.” She said, laughing.

“Lincoln! My man!” Jasper interrupted. He put his one arm around Lincoln’s neck from the side. “Congratulations!!” Jasper shouted. Lincoln laughed. The rest of the guys came closer and cheered more. Lexa, laughing at what they were doing to Lincoln, separated herself from them.

She was going to go to Octavia to congratulate her but decided to just do it when Clarke and the other girls were done talking to her. She wouldn’t want the situation to be awkward when she goes there, and not having to talk to Clarke yet about what happened between them, there’s a good chance it’d be awkward. So, she went to the restroom instead. And besides, she needed to pee.

**

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell us about this. You little twerp. That’s why you’ve been all chirpy these past days.” Raven smirking.

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” Octavia giggled.

“Well it didn’t occur to me that the celebration would be about this. I thought Lincoln just wanted us to come here, really. Since, you know, it’s been pretty long since we last came here altogether.” Raven said.

“That’s actually one of the reasons why we wanted it to be here.” Octavia chuckled.

“So who else knew?” Anya asked.

“My parents and Bell.”

“Oohh. Nice, how’d he take it?” Raven asked.

“Surprisingly, he took it very well.” Octavia chuckled.

Clarke was trying to listen to them talk, but her mind really was at Lexa who had just disappeared a few minutes ago.

“Excuse me for a second.” Clarke told the girls, and walked towards where she saw Lexa went. But halfway there she already saw Lexa walking towards her.

Lexa was surprised when she saw Clarke, but recovered and gave her a smile.

“Hey,” Lexa said.

“Hey back,” Clarke smiled.

“Um, are you going to the restroom?” Lexa asked, pointing at her back.

“No, actually, I was coming to you.” Clarke said in a low voice.

“Oh.” Lexa responded, and then there was silence between them.

“Lex, we need to talk.” Clarke said a short while later.

Lexa sighed.

“Yes, I know. But now’s not the right time.” Lexa said softly.

“When?”

Clarke was startled when she felt someone’s hand on her waist, she immediately turned to look at the owner of that hand. It’s Finn’s.

“Hey,” Finn pecked her on the lips. Her eyes widened.

_‘What the heck?’_

She saw Lexa’s expression faltered for a second but quickly changed to a plain neutral expression.

Finn then detached his lips from Clarke’s and faced Lexa.

“Lexa,” Finn nodded sternly at Lexa.

“Finn,” Lexa nodded back. She looked back at Clarke. “Soon.” She told Clarke, then walked past them, but she didn’t return to their friends, instead she went straight to the bar.

When Lexa was already away, Clarke glared at Finn.

“What the hell was that?” Clarke scowled.

“What?” Finn tried to look innocent.

“You know what Finn. Kissing me.” She said firmly.

“What? I can’t kiss my girl now?” Finn smirked.

“You really had to do that while I was having a conversation with someone?” Clarke fired irately.

“Having a conversation with someone, or having a conversation with Lexa?” Finn fired back. Clarke looked at her with disbelief in her eyes. And then she glowered at him.

“Remember what you said about being you an ass? Well, you’re still an ass.” She said then walked away from him. Finn quickly grabbed her arms.

“Okay. Okay, fine. I’m sorry.” He said grudgingly. Clarke looked at him with despair.

“If you’re really sorry, then you’d stop being an ass.” Clarke snarled then walked towards their friends.

Clarke sat beside Octavia. The group was now sitting all together. Clarke was trying her best not to show any indication that her mood was ruined. And Finn sat beside her, as if there wasn’t an argument between them just a minute ago.

“Where’s Lexa?” Anya, who was seated in front of Clarke, asked Clarke.

“She went to the bar. Probably wanted to drown herself to drunkenness.” Finn snorted, before Clarke could even answer.

“You can go after her.” Clarke told Anya after glaring at Finn.

“Uh, no. That’s okay. I’ll just check on her later. She probably wants to be alone. All she’s been doing lately.” Anya said. Clarke didn’t miss what Anya meant but decided to just leave it.

**

Lexa was already on her third drink.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes thinking about what Finn did to Clarke in front of her. She knew Finn did it on purpose to rub it all over her face that Clarke was his girl. And even thought it was true, Lexa couldn’t help but still feel annoyed.

“I’m telling you, this must be faith.” Lexa heard someone say beside her. She turned to look at the new customer and her eyes widened.

“Costia.” Lexa said, surprised. Costia grinned at her.

“Fancy meeting you here. Just like how we met the first time.” Costia said, giggling.

“What are you doing here? How—why are you here? Are you following me?” Lexa frowned.

“Wow. Still presumptuous, I see.” Costia chuckled. “I live on the same area as you, haven’t I mentioned that? I’m sorry. I thought you’d be smart enough to figure that out yourself since you and my cousin, Echo, met here, you know?” Costia said sarcastically.

“Oh. Right. I’m sorry. Slipped out my mind. Uh, can I blame it to the drink?” Lexa said holding out her drink.

“Absolutely. You can blame it to anything and anyone here.” Costia answered chirpily. Lexa just laughed.

“So, where’s Echo?”

“She had something planned.” Costia shrugged. She sat beside Lexa.

“Is it your first time here?”

“No. I’ve come here a few times before. But I may have asked Echo some things about you and she said that you’re always here. That’s why I’ve been coming here every night since I came back from that vacation. I was hoping you’d come here.” Costia grinned.

“So, this isn’t faith at all.” Lexa smirked.

“Maybe not. But who cares.” Costia chuckled. “How about you, are you like a regular here?”

“Kind of. My cousin owns the place.”

“Wow. That’s cool. Is your cousin single or what?” Costia grinned.

“First, my cousin is a guy—I doubt that’s your type. And second, no, he isn’t single. He actually just got engaged. That’s why we’re here. A celebration.” Lexa said gesturing to where her friends were.

Costia turned to look at them.

“Oh. Then why are you here all alone at the bar?” Costia asked, confused.

“Complication is right there.” Lexa shrugged.

“Your blonde is right here?” Costia asked excitedly. “Where? Where?” Costia looked for a certain blonde in the group. “Oh there! I see her—oh wait, is that her boyfriend?”

Lexa turned to look at Clarke’s direction. Finn and Clarke were seated next to each other and Finn’s arms were at the Clarke’s back, but mostly it was on the chair’s backrest. Lexa returned her attention to her drink.

“Yeah, that’s him.” She shrugged.

“But I thought you two are fine now? You even bought her that bracelet, the very expensive one, right?”

“We were. And yes, I did. But something else happened.”

“What?”

“She told me she has feelings for me.” Lexa said.

“What? Oh my god, that’s great!” Costia said excitedly.

“I don’t know about that.” Lexa said indifferently.

“What do you mean? Don’t you understand what that means?

“I do.” Lexa said in a low voice.

“So what else is the problem?” Costia asked. She then took a deep breath. “Look, you said before that she didn’t feel the same way about you that’s why you didn’t pursue anything. Now that she’s told you she does, you won’t believe her?”

Lexa sighed.

“Can I just please enjoy my drink?” She smiled and raised her drink.

“Fine.” Costia rolled her eyes. “But can you tell me about your sister? You didn’t tell me she’s hot when she called last time.” She grinned.

“First, gross. Second, see that brunette beside her?” Lexa pointed Raven with her mouth, “They’ve been banging.” Lexa said, smirking.

“Damn. Why do I never get lucky?” Costia shook her head. “Can I bang you instead?” Costia grinned, wiggling her brows and nudging Lexa’s side. Lexa just laughed.

 

**

 

Clarke was already drunk, probably more than her friends. But that’s because she’s been staring, or rather glaring, at Lexa and another brunette woman who were having a conversation by the bar. They seemed really close.

 _‘Laughing and touching each other. Really Lexa?’_ Clarke thought as she saw the other woman nudging Lexa as they laughed. Clarke had never glared at someone as pointedly as she was doing right that moment. Well, except for the women that Lexa was sleeping or flirting with when she met them.

“Wow, look at the Commander. She’s hitting it off.” Murphy commented, laughing.

The group turned their attention to the bar where Lexa and Costia were laughing.

“Way to go, Commander.” Jasper laughed. The group cheered.

“Wait, I think that’s Costia.” Anya said.

“What? Who’s Costia?” Octavia asked.

“The woman Lexa met while she was on vacation. I saw her while I was video chatting with Lexa. Wow. What is she doing here?” Anya chuckled.

“What do you think?” Monty laughed.

“Looks like someone’s getting tonight.” Bellamy smirked.

Clarke suddenly felt something in her snapped.

 _‘What?! Costia?! That’s Costia?! What the fuck is she doing here? And why would Lexa sleep with her? She told me they’re just friends. Or are they really? Ugh!’_ Clarke thought furiously.

If it was possible to glare at someone to death, Costia would be dead by now.

The group continued their conversation while Clarke barely left her gaze on the two at the bar.

After a while, Clarke saw Lexa excuse herself from Costia and went to the restroom’s way. She too got up from her seat.

“I’m going to the restroom.” Clarke said and walked to where Lexa was going.

When Clarke entered the restroom with a loud thud, Lexa was washing her hands. Lexa turned at door, startled. Clarke was looking at her furiously.

“Seriously, Lexa?” Clarke said angrily. “What is that Costia doing here? Did she follow you here?” Clarke asked accusingly.

“Clarke..” Lexa was confused about what was happening.

“No, Lex. Tell me.” Clarke said sternly. “Tell me.. because I want to know if there’s something going on between the two of you. If this..” her expression softened. “..if this is you moving on from me. Tell me.. because I need to know.” Clarke’s voice broke. “Are you.. are you together now? Is that why you didn’t like what I told you last time? Because.. because you don’t have feelings for me anymore? Please tell me-“

Clarke didn’t manage to finish what she’s saying when Lexa suddenly moved forward and pressed her own lips into Clarke’s.

Clarke was stunned for a moment but then recovered quickly and found herself kissing Lexa back. Lexa’s hands were on Clarke’s face while Clarke’s were on Lexa’s waist, tugging Lexa closer as much as possible. Lexa pushed Clarke backwards until Clarke’s back hit the door behind her. Lexa removed one of her hands from Clarke’s face for a second to lock the door without breaking the kiss. Their kiss became more intense every passing second. Lexa groaned when she felt Clarke moved her hands from her waist down to her ass and pushed their bodies closer together. Their kiss was so hard that it wouldn’t be a surprise if they’d suffocate each other. Lexa’s kisses trailed down to Clarke’s jaw, then down to her neck. Lexa started sucking on her neck and Clarke groaned; she wrapped her hands into Lexa’s hair. Clarke was moaning softly, and Lexa did the same when she heard Clarke. Lexa’s kisses moved down going to Clarke’s chest. Clarke moaned loudly. Lexa was kissing her cleavage. Clarke groaned when she felt the loss of contact from her chest, but moaned back when Lexa started kissing her again on her lips. Lexa wanted Clarke’s lips on her. She wanted to just kiss her. She’d always wondered before what Clarke’s lips tasted like. And right now, it was heaven. Tasted a little bit of alcohol, but there was so much sweetness in it, it was more intoxicating more than the alcohol. Her lips were so soft, just like how she’d imagined every time she was staring at it. She could kiss her forever.

But their lungs weren’t in line with that. They needed to breathe for air.

Lexa pulled back slowly from the kiss; she put her hands on the door, at each side of Clarke’s head; Clarke’s hands at Lexa’s waist. They were both catching their breaths; staring at each other with so much intensity; lips swollen; hearts beating fast.

“No, Clarke..” Lexa whispered breathlessly. “It’s not that I didn’t like what you said. It’s that I wanted it so much to be true that I was scared it might only break me again if it wasn’t.” Lexa said, leaning her forehead on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke sighed. She put one of her hands on Lexa’s head.

“It’s true. I have feelings for you.” Clarke whispered.

Lexa sighed. “You’re with Finn.” she whispered back.

“I know.” Clarke answered.

“And we shouldn’t be doing this..” Lexa said in a low voice.

“I know.”

“Because this isn’t right..”

“I know.” Clarke answered. She moved her hands from Lexa’s waist and pushed Lexa’s shoulder lightly to see Lexa’s face. Clarke cupped Lexa’s face. “Lex, I know all of that. But it feels right.” She leaned in and kissed her. “This.. feels.. right..” She said between kisses.

“We’re drunk.” Lexa whispered.

“I know.” Clarke said, smiling.

They just continued staring at each other’s eyes with so much emotions, having a silent conversation through their eyes. Like they understood what each other were saying without actually saying a word. All their worries suddenly seemed trivial. They just stood there, all drunk and dizzy, but at the same time aware of every single thing that was happening; all breathless and vulnerable, but at the same time full of strength from being in each other’s arms. They had no idea how long they were in that position, they just looked deep into each other’s eyes.

That was until they were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door.

“Hey, Lexa?” Someone called from the other side of the room. “Are you okay in there? You said you’ll be gone for only a few minutes. It’s definitely more than just a few minutes now.” The person on the other side yelled.

Clarke frowned at Lexa.

“Is that..?” Clarke asked in a low voice.

“Costia. Yes.” Lexa said, smiling when she saw Clarke’s frown worsened. “And no, we’re not together. We’re just friends.”

“Lexa?” Another yell from the other side of the door.

“Yes, I’m here! Just give me another minute.” Lexa responded, still looking straight into Clarke’s eyes.

“Well, hurry up. People are starting to line up out here.” Costia said.

After a few seconds of comfortable silence and just staring at each other, Lexa pulled back from Clarke, but only a few inches away.

“We have to get back to our friends.” Lexa whispered.

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, her eyes trailing down Lexa’s face until it reached her lips.

“But not together. Someone might get..you know.. suspicious.” Lexa said. But Clarke wasn’t moving, she just kept staring. Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat when she saw where Clarke’s eyes were looking.

“Okay,” Clarke answered in a low voice.

“Um.. you should go first. I’ll sit back with you guys later.”

“Okay,” Clarke bit her lips.

“Clarke,” Lexa warned. “Focus.” She tried to sound serious, but a smile crept on her mouth.

“I’m focused.” Clarke grinned, as she looked back at Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa shook her head, chuckling.

“Just.. fix yourself. Your lipstick’s kind of all over the place.” Lexa said, wiping off some of the smudge on the side of Clarke’s mouth.

“I can see that,” Clarke grinned. “It’s on your face too.” And she giggled.

Lexa looked at herself at the mirror then chuckled. “Yeah, we should both fix ourselves.”

***

When Clarke got back to their friends, they asked her what took her so long and she just answered them ‘Long line.’

And Lexa only got out of the restroom a minute after Clarke and went back straight to the bar where Costia was waiting, and grinning at her.

“And how was it?” Costia grinned.

“How was what?” Lexa tried to play it cool.

“Oh, come on. Don’t play dumb. I saw your blonde coming after you. You were in there for too long. I only had to put two and two to figure out what both of you did in there. Aaand the smile trying to escape you lips just confirmed it.” Costia giggled. Lexa was blushing and smiling. “That good, huh?” She teased.

“Wait. We didn’t have sex. If that’s what you’re thinking.”

“What? You just made my excitement all crumbling down.” Costia, as she feigned a sad expression, putting her hand on her chest for effect.

“Shut up.” Lexa chuckled and Costia did too.

A moment later, Costia glanced at Clarke,

“Hate to ruin your heavenly feeling, but why is she still with Finn? Shouldn’t she have broken up with him already?”

“We haven’t talked about it yet. There wasn’t enough time. But I’m sure we’re going to have that talk.” Lexa answered and Costia just nodded.

**

A half an hour later Costia went home and Lexa went to sit back with her friends.

“Finally, you decided to sit with us! I was starting to think that you were going to abandon us and leave with the woman you were with. Costia was her name, right?” Lincoln asked.

Clarke couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Lexa tried her best not to have eye contact with Clarke because she was pretty sure that Finn was glaring at her.

“Yes. But we’re not like that. We’re just friends.” Lexa smiled as she sat on the vacant seat beside Anya, in front of Clarke.

“That’s what she keeps saying.” Anya commented.

“Because it’s the truth.” Lexa said.

“Yeah, whatever.” Anya rolled her eyes.

“Tell us about _this friend_ of yours.” Jasper teased, wiggling her eyes.

“There’s nothing to tell, we’re just friends. Seriously guys.” Lexa chuckled.

“ _We_ are your only friends, Lex. No one else. And you never reach out to someone after sleeping with them once; I know for a fact that you and Costia have hang out more than once, so she’s not just a one-night stand. So, tell us, what is she?”

“Yeah, is she like, your girlfriend?” Murphy teased.

Lexa glanced subtly at Clarke and saw that she obviously wasn’t eager about the conversation either. Good thing everyone, including Finn, had their attention on Lexa and the ones talking to her. Lexa cleared her throat.

“She’s not my girlfriend, guys.” She said seriously. “And besides, I have someone else in mind.” She said, looking at anyone but Clarke. So that no one would get some idea.

Clarke’s eyes twinkled with what she said; she smiled, something that Lexa and the others didn’t see, but Raven definitely did.

Raven’s eyes narrowed. _‘What just happened?’_ she thought.

The conversation between the group went on for a long while and Raven subtly watched as Clarke and Lexa exchanged knowing looks from time to time.

“Excuse me. I’ll just go to the restroom.” Raven said, standing up from her seat. “Um, Clarke, can you come with me?”

Clarke looked at her curiously, and Raven just nodded at her. “Uh, sure.” Clarke said.

“I know you don’t want me to come watch you pee. So.. what’s up?” Clarke asked as they walked away from the group.

Raven took Clarke’s wrist and pulled her into one corner of the club.

“Woah, woah, Raven. We’re just friends. I’m not interested in you like that.” Clarke chuckled, raising both her hands in a surrendering position.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure of that. Since you and Lexa seem to be the ones interested in each other.” Raven blurted. Clarke’s eyes widened.

“What? Raven, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Clarke said, smug on her face disappearing.

“Yeah? So you’re saying there’s nothing going on between the two of you?” Raven asked. Clarke averted her eyes from Raven’s. Raven sighed. “Look, I know Lexa said she had feelings for you, and I know that that’s confusing for you right now-“

“I have feelings for Lexa.” Clarke cut her off.

Raven stared at her, surprised. “What?!” She asked in disbelief.

“And I told her about it.” Clarke muttered.

“What?!?!” Raven asked again in a very exaggerated way . Clarke didn’t say anything more. She just let Raven stare at her, process everything she just said.

“Oh my god. Finally!” Raven squealed a moment later, and pulled Clarke in a tight embrace.

“Ouch. Raven, you’re crushing me.”

Raven pulled back and held Clarke’s shoulder.

“You don’t know how happy I am.” Raven said, giving Clarke a smile as if she just received a gift that she had wanted for a long time.

“Jeez, guys. I’ve been looking for you.” Octavia appeared from somewhere. Raven and Clarke turned their heads at her. “I knew you weren’t going to the restroom.” She narrowed her eyes at them, but then she also noticed Raven’s hands on Clarke’s shoulders. “Um.. what’s happening?” gesturing at their current position.

“She finally realised it!” Raven squealed, putting one of her hands on Octavia’s shoulder and shaking it.

“What?” Octavia asked confusedly, at the same time chuckling at Raven’s expression.

“Clarke!” Raven muttered, shaking Clarke’s shoulder with her other hand. “Her feelings for Lexa! She said she has feelings for Lexa!” Raven said excitedly. Octavia’s eyes widened, mouth hanging, and looked at Clarke, who was watching the two of them amusingly.

“Clarke? What is she talking about?” Octavia asked.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Clarke let out a slight chuckle.

“Seriously, Clarke?” Octavia asked. “Oh my god.” She giggled, but then stopped when something caught her eyes. “Wait—what is that? Oh my god. Is that a hickey?” She said, her eyes narrowed, pointing at a red spot on Clarke’s neck.

“What? Where?” Raven asked eagerly, taking off Clarke’s quick hand on her neck. “Where is it—oh my god, it is!” Raven laughed as she saw it. Clarke’s face blushed as she tried to cover her neck even though she didn’t know exactly where the kiss mark was. “Where the hell did that come from?” Raven asked as she and Octavia chuckled. But then Raven narrowed her eyes when she realised something.

“Wait—are you still doing _it_ with Finn even though you already know about your feelings for Lexa?” Raven asked, disapproval cleark in her tone.

“What? No! This isn’t Finn’s!” She blurted out defensively before she could even think about what she was saying. Her eyes widened when she realised that what she did was a mistake. And apparently, Raven and Octavia realised it as well.

“Óh my god.” Octavia and Raven muttered at the same time.

“Don’t tell me it’s Lexa’s!” Octavia said at the same time with Raven’s “Is that Lexa’s?!”

Clarke averted her eyes from them. She can feel her face getting warmer.

“Oh my god!” Raven laughed. “That’s what took you long in the restroom, isn’t it?” She chuckled. “I knew it wasn’t a ‘long line’.” She rolled her eyes. “And that makes sense. I noticed Lexa wasn’t on the bar when you went to the restroom. You guys were doing it in the restroom!” She laughed as she pointed at Clarke’s blushing face.

“We did not do _it_ in the restroom!” Clarke said defensively.

“So, you’re saying you did do _something_ in the restroom?” Octavia grinned, wiggling her brows.

“Oh god. Can we please not talk about this right here, right now?” Clarke said as she covered her face.

“Alright, alright. But this conversation isn’t over yet. You’re going to tell us all about you and Lexa. You’ve been keeping secrets from us now, Clarkey.” Octavia pouted, but it was obvious that she was still beaming about their discovery.

“Okay fine. Can we please just go back now?”

“Why? So you can return to exchanging “knowing” looks with Lexa?” Raven smirked. Clarke looked at her with eyes wide open. “What? You didn’t think I noticed?” Raven smirked. “You weren’t much subtle as you thought so. At least now we know what those looks meant.” She said as she wiggled her eyebrows. Clarke just rolled her eyes while Octavia laughed with Raven.

 


	11. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have the talk. And we all learn the reason why Clarke's still with Finn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FAIR WARNING: This chapter contains some stuff that aren't taken so lightly, and could be triggering for some. If you're easily triggered by suicidal, I suggest you skip this chapter. Or you can still read the beginning since they're mostly fluff. And if that's the case, you can read, then leave after reading the paragraph that starts from this phrase: “I’ve been wanting to break up with him.”, because it's mostly heavy stuff after that.

**CHAPTER 11: The Reason**

 

Days had passed since the night at TonDC. Clarke was at the hospital when Lexa texted her.

 **_Lexa_ ** _: Hey. I’m free later. Do you think we could talk about it..? Later?_

Clarke spoke to Lexa the day after the night at TonDC, but it was only through a phone call and it was a short one. They agreed that they should have a private conversation with no interruptions and just let each other know when they’re not busy so that they could have _the_ talk.

Clarke dialed Lexa’s phone number and it only rang once before it was answered.

“Can’t just reply through a text message? Do you always want to hear my voice?” Lexa playfully asked on the other line.

Clarke laughed, “Yeah, as if.”

“Oh, you don’t?” Lexa asked, challenging her.

“I don’t know. What do you think?” Clarke grinned. She could hear Lexa’s chuckle on the other line. “Anyways, as for your first question.. yes, I’m free later.” She said as she smiled. “My shift ends early today. Where do you want to meet?”

“Um, I thought maybe I could just come there and get you. We could use my car. Is that okay with you?” Lexa asked carefully.

Clarke laughed, “Of course, Lex.” She could hear Lexa’s sigh of relief. Clarke smiled. “I’ll be out by 4.”

“Great. I’ll be there.”

“Where are we going, anyways?”

“Can’t I just surprise you?” Lexa asked. Clarke couldn’t help but smile more. “Don’t worry, I won’t be abducting you or something.” Lexa laughed.

Clarke chuckled. “Okay, fine. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, see you later.” Lexa answered.

 

***

Lexa and Clarke were in the car and Lexa was driving them somewhere. An Indie folk song was playing. Clarke had her right elbow by the window and her face resting on her hand while watching Lexa drive.

She smiled as she saw how Lexa’s eyes were so focused on the road.

“You’re so cute when you’re all like that.” Clarke giggled as she said that. Lexa turned to glance at Clarke for a second, her face confused.

“Your face,” Clarke chuckle. “It’s all like this,” Clarke imitated how Lexa’s face was while she was focusing on the road, which was a very focused, frowned face.

“What? I’m not—” Lexa said turning her head from the road, then to Clarke, then back to the road again, but then was cut off by Clarke’s laugh. She stared at Clarke for more than she should have, but she couldn’t help it -- Clarke’s laugh was hypnotizing.

Lexa just chuckled and shook her head, then focused on the road again. Face now more relaxed.

“Don’t worry. You look adorable. I love staring at you like that.” Clarke said, and Lexa cleared her throat to hide the fact that she felt her face blushing.

She knew Clarke was always saying things like this, but knowing that they both had feelings for each other kind of changed the game. It’s like every word that Clarke said had deeper meanings now.

“Hey, are we going to where I think we’re going?” Clarke said as she noticed the very familiar direction.

Lexa smiled, then nodded. “Is it okay?” she asked and looked at Clarke for a second.

“Are you seriously asking me that? Of course it’s okay!” Clarke said excitedly.

A few minutes later they arrived at their destination.

“Wow,” Clarke said as she gazed the place. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen this.” She said, but then realised something, so she turned at Lexa and saw that Lexa was already looking at her. “I mean, I’ve seen this the last time, you know.. when we were here..” Clarke said, ”But it was night and dark.. and things happened..” she added carefully. “So, I haven’t _really_ had the chance to take it all in.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Lexa said, smiling.

They were walking in the park; the place where they used to go all the time before Finn happened.

“I really miss this place.” Clarke said.

“Not my fault. You’ve been busy.” Lexa chuckled, then Clarke stopped walking, and stared at Lexa.

She just stood there, and Lexa stopped as well when she noticed that Clarke wasn’t beside her anymore. She turned around and saw Clarke just standing there, looking at her, and much surprisingly, with sadness in her eyes. Lexa looked at her curiously.

“What’s the problem?” Lexa asked.

Clarke shook her head and just reached out her hand. “Come on, let’s go sit there.” Clarke said, gesturing the tree nearby. Lexa just sighed defeatedly and took it.

When they reached the tree, they settled and sat comfortably, with their backs leaning on the tree, beside each other. Their hands were still attached. There was just silence between them for a while, but Lexa couldn’t stop thinking that something was bothering Clarke.  

“Hey,” Lexa began, running her thumb softly on Clarke’s hand. “Is there a problem?” she asked, and Clarke turned her head to the brunette.

There was a few seconds before the blonde spoke.

“Have I really been?” Clarke asked softly. Lexa gave her a confused look. “Have I really been busy?” Clarke asked softly. Although she was the one who asked the question, she was pretty sure she already knew the answer herself.

Lexa just stared at her for a moment, then sighed.

“It’s not entirely your fault. New people came, you became busier with school, some things changed, some didn’t. The two of us hanging out here, I guess that’s one of those things that changed. Nothing’s constant, so I don’t blame you.” Lexa said, giving Clarke a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, nothing’s constant… nothing but you.” Clarke said sadly. “You never stopped coming here. And you’ve always been there for me, despite.. despite Finn.” Clarke said. They stared at each other for a few seconds before the blonde spoke again. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that you weren’t my priority. I mean, not that you were my priority.” Clarke said, but frowned as she realised what she said. “Wow, I’m getting really bad at words. I mean, you were, and still are, the most important person in my life…” Clarke said. “..you know, besides my parents.” She added shyly. Lexa felt something warm washed over her chest. “So.. I’m really sorry if I ever made you feel that you weren’t, because you are, Lex. And you are my best friend first before anything else.” Clarke said sincerely.

Lexa smiled and put her arms around Clarke’s shoulder. “Aww.” Lexa teased. “Come here, you goof.” she said as she pulled the blonde closer to her. Clarke leaned her back on Lexa. “You are my best friend too before anything else.” Lexa said before kissing the back of Clarke’s head.

They stayed in silence for the next few minutes; just enjoying each other’s company. But they both knew that it was bound for them to talk -- that’s what they’re here for in the first place -- they just didn’t know how to start.

After a short while of silence, Lexa decided that she should be the one to start the conversation.

“Clarke..” Lexa muttered softly. Clarke hummed in response. “What are we doing?”

Clarke wasn’t at all surprised by the question. She was actually expecting it.

 _'It’s now or never.’_   Clarke thought. She then let out a sigh and removed herself from Lexa’s embrace. She sat a few inches away from the brunette and faced her.

“I told you..” Clarke started. “I feel something for you.” She said softly. “Ever since that night.. when you told me about how you felt, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.. about you.” Clarke glanced at the children playing by the park. “You had me confused. I don’t know if this has been here all along, all I know is that you woke something inside, me that night..” Clarke said, but Lexa just stared at her and Clarke couldn’t read her expression at all. Clarke swallowed before asking what she feared. “Are you.. are you having doubts?”

Lexa sighed. “This.. all of these.. it has all been confusing for me as well.” She said softly.

“I know. I know it has.. but if I’m sure about one thing right now, it’s about how I feel for you.” Clarke said. She took Lexa’s hands in hers and squeezed it. “You make me happy, Lex.. like no one else does. There are times when I just want to see you, to be with you. And I look forward to all those times. I thought that was all because we’re best friends.. but I realised, friends don’t always feel that way, do they? Friends don’t normally get lost when they see their friend’s smile, do they? Friends don’t get jealous every time their friend sleeps with someone else? Friends don’t love their friends so much more than the ones they’re in a relationship with? Do they? Because that’s how I feel Lex.. and I just.. I just couldn’t ignore it, not anymore, not when I know you feel something for me as well. I know this is all confusing for you just as much as it was for me.. but I’ve had time to think about this, and I’m sure about how I feel.” Clarke said with eyes full of emotions.

Lexa stared at Clarke with admiration. Her beautiful face. Her telling eyes. Her kissable lips. She could even feel the sincerity in Clarke’s voice. And everything that the blonde just said, it all brought warmth to her chest. She loved every word that came out from the blonde’s mouth. But there was this minute thing that just wouldn’t fit.. it makes everything somewhat moot, and that’s the thing that was bringing an end to all of Lexa’s overwhelming feeling of happiness.

Lexa took a deep breath before saying the thing that was causing all her doubt. “But you’re with Finn.” She said softly.

Clarke looked deep into those green eyes; studying it, trying to understand everything that’s happening deep within. And she did.. there within those eyes full of emotions was a tint of doubt. And that was the problem. She knew that everything doesn’t make sense for the brunette, and there was only one way to make that happen.

“I’ve been wanting to break up with him.” Clarke said, not expecting to see any change on Lexa’s expression as she knew that the statement didn’t really change anything. She knew what was going on in Lexa’s mind: _‘Then why haven’t you? Why are you still with him?’_

 Clarke took a deep breath before she spoke again. “I wanted—want to break up with him.. I just.. I couldn’t.” She said as her gaze fell on their hands intertwined with each other.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Lexa asked curiously, and then she frowned. “Is he threatening you?” She asked in her protective tone.

Clarke looked at her and shook her head. “No. No. He.. he has problems.” Clarke said as she sighed. “It’s complicated.”  
  
Lexa nodded, and squeezed Clarke’s hands in encouragement. “You can tell me, Clarke.” She said softly. “But only if you want to.” She added.

 Clarke took a deep breath before she spoke. “His ex-girlfriend before me broke up with him and it didn’t end up well.”

Lexa looked at her in question, not seeing the connection with Clarke’s reason for not breaking up with him.

“And that’s your problem because..?” The confused brunette asked.

“He tried to kill himself.”

Lexa’s eyes widened, and Clarke only nodded.

“He’s.. he’s suicidal.” The blonde confirmed. “After a while in our relationship, we almost ran into one of her exes. But he panicked and asked if we could just go home.. and when we did, I asked him what the problem was. He said she cheated on him and broke up with him. He told me he was a mess after the break up. He went after her for a week, begging her to get back with him, but she didn’t. And that’s when it happened. He hurt himself, and if it wasn’t for the person who walked in on him doing it.. he might’ve been..” Clarke took a deep breath and Lexa moved closer to put her hand on Clarke’s back. “..he might’ve been gone by now.” Clarke said softly.

Lexa looked at her; now she understood more clearly- how all of these must be so hard for Clarke.

“I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you before.. he asked me not to tell anyone, at least not yet during that time, and that was something very personal to him, so I didn’t..” Clarke trailed.

Lexa stared at her, then nodded in understanding. “Clarke, I understand. And in the medical world you’ve been trained to do that, so I get it.” Lexa said reassuringly.   

“I’ve been wanting to break up with him for a while now, but with all that.. I just don’t know how.” Clarke sighed defeatedly.

Lexa pulled the Clarke in an embrace. She could now understand how all of these must have been hard for the blonde—wanting to do something for herself while worrying about the risk it would do to others.

“That’s okay.” Lexa said as she kissed the top of Clarke’s head. “We’ll figure it out. Just take your time. I’m here if you need me.”

Clarke nodded and smiled. She hugged Lexa and they stayed like that for a while.

 

**

 

The next day, Clarke decided that it was time to talk to Finn. She had thought about this all-day long. She knew that whether she told him right now or the next day or next week, it wouldn’t matter because whenever it’d happen, it would still have the same outcome. And thinking about it, the sooner the better. She just had to make sure that Finn wouldn’t hurt himself again. Make sure that Finn would understand.

 She had been pacing back and forth in their apartment, anxiously waiting for him to arrive; and after a short while, he finally did.

“Hey babe,” Finn walked to her and tried to kiss her on the lips, but Clarke turned her face to the side so Finn only kissed her cheek. Finn frowned, and took a look at Clarke’s face and sensed that something wasn’t right. “Hey, is there a problem?” Finn asked, putting one of his hands on Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke took a deep breath and slowly removed his hand from her face. “Finn, we need to talk.” She said as she walked towards the couch and sat there. Once she was seated, she put her elbows on her lap and combed her hands through her hair.

“What is this about?” Finn asked confusedly as he walked slowly and stood in front of Clarke.

Clarke put her hands on her face and moved it towards her temple and massaged the area.

“Clarke, what is this? Did something happen?”

“I’m breaking up with you.” Clarke said softly and looked up to Finn, who was still standing in front of her. She let out a silent sigh of relief. Finally, she said it. She’d been dreading this moment for so long already, and it felt somewhat good to finally have said it.

Finn just stood there in silence, processing what he just heard. Then after a minute or two, he spoke.

“I don’t understand you, Clarke.” He just said.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Clarke said more clearly and a little confidently, but when he saw Finn’s pained expression, she instantly felt bad.

“Why?” Finn asked. Clarke could tell that Finn was trying hard not to let his voice broke.

“This isn’t working for me anymore.” Clarke said softly. “It hasn’t been for a long time now.” Clarke said as careful as she can. She didn’t want to hurt him any more than she already had.

“But it’s working just fine.” Finn said. “Clarke.. you don’t have to do this. If you want, I’ll do better. Please, just don’t do this.” He said desperately.

Clarke took a deep breathe. “Finn, you can’t do anything now. This is not about you, it’s about me.” Clarke said, then sighed. “I’m not in love with you anymore...” Clarke said softly.

“No. No. That’s not true.” Finn said frantically as he went down on his knees. He held Clarke’s hand and kissed it. “That’s not true. I know you love me.. I know you still do.. Please, don’t do this.” His voice broke.

“I love you, Finn… But I’m no longer in love with you..”

“No, no. Clarke, please.. don’t do this.. I can’t do this without you.. Please, I’m begging you. I love you so much.. Don’t do this..” Finn was already crying.

It hurt Clarke to do this to Finn; seeing him like this. She loved him, she truly cared for him, but this decision was something she’s a hundred percent sure. She may not be sure about some things right now, but being no longer in love with Finn.. it’s not one of them.

“Finn, please don’t make this any harder as it already is.” Clarke took her hand back and tried to stand up from the couch, but Finn stopped her by hugging her hips, causing her to sit back down.

“Clarke, don’t leave me. Please.. I’m begging you. Don’t leave me. I can’t handle that..” Finn cried.

“Finn..” Clarke’s voice was begging as well.

“No, I won’t. I won’t allow this.. I love you, Clarke.. I’m begging you. Please stay.. please..” Finn was crying desperately now. Clarke’s never saw Finn cried like this, and it was really making her feel bad.

She sighed in defeat and put her hands on Finn’s hair.

“Alright, alright. Please, stop crying.” She said softly.

She can’t. She can’t totally hurt him. At least not right that moment.

Finn just kept sobbing and continued hugging Clarke tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. This chapter is long overdue. I have no excuse for my VERY late update, I'm just sorry. But I’m really trying my best to write when I have free time and when I could come up with words. Because, wow, writing is not easy. So while I’m here, let me praise all writers out there! I am a novice at writing, but I’m trying. So please bear with me if I can’t update regularly, but you have my word, I am going to finish this story. And as soon as I can finish a chapter, I’m going to post it immediately. I hope you understand. (But if someone wants to offer help, i'm all ear) thank you, thank you so much for reading! I hope y'all liking this story so far :)


	12. Feeling Contented

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa tries to make Clarke feel better. Some fluff ahead. Enjoy!

**CHAPTER 12: Feeling Contented**

 

Lexa was already fast asleep when she heard a knock on their apartment’s door. She tried to ignore it thinking that it would eventually go away, or that Anya would open it; but it didn’t, and she didn’t. Lexa groaned and looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table.

“Jesus Christ, it’s 2AM. Who the heck is stupid enough to think that knocking at someone’s apartment at 2AM is fine?!” She mumbled frustratingly and got up on her feet. She walked out of her room and glared at the door to Anya’s room. She knew Raven was also in there, and she was pretty sure they weren’t sleeping. She groaned and cursed Anya silently. “Freaking horny lesbians.” She muttered annoyingly and walked towards their apartment’s door. But a few feet away from it she heard another knock. “I HEAR YOU! You friggin’ sleep buster.” Once she reached the door, she furiously opened it. “Why the he-“ And was about to yell at the person who just ruined her sleep, but managed to catch herself when she saw that it was Clarke. “Clarke..!” She said, surprised.

“Hey,” Clarke smiled at her. “I’m sorry. I know it’s late.. or really early..” Lexa could see Clarke’s smile, but she knew her very well. It’s not the smile she loved to see; she knew there was something wrong.

“No, no, it’s okay.” Lexa quickly said. She put her hands on Clarke’s shoulder and looked at the blonde closely and softly. “Hey, what happened?” Lexa asked her as she looked deep into those blue eyes and saw nothing but exhaustion.

Clarke sighed. “I couldn’t do it.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t break up with him.” Clarke said softly, covering her face with her hands. Lexa stared at her for a few seconds, trying to process what Clarke was talking about. _‘She couldn’t break up with Finn?’_ Suddenly, Lexa was feeling down.

Lexa swallowed hard before she took in all the courage and ask the question she was about to say.

“Is it.. is it because you still love him?” She asked carefully, causing Clarke to frown at her.

“What? No. No.” Clarke shook her head. “That’s not it. I mean, I do still love him. But not in the way you think,” Clarke reassured her. The blonde saw relief wash over Lexa’s face.

“Oh.” Lexa answered. She knew it was not a great time to smile at something, but that moment, she couldn’t help it, and so subtly she did. She invited Clarke into the apartment and they went inside and sat on the couch.

“So.. um, what happened?” Lexa started off as they settled on the couch sitting next to each other.

“I tried to break up with him. I already did..” Clarke said while looking at Lexa, and the brunette was just listening to her. “..but he begged. And I just.. I couldn’t do it.” Clarke let out an exasperated breath. “Not when I know what he’s capable of doing to himself.”

Lexa only nodded, processing the information. She didn’t know what to do of this. If Clarke couldn’t do it now, then who’s to say she’d be able do it any sooner? The incident was disappointing, but she knew that this wasn’t Clarke’s fault, or anyone’s. It was just a difficult decision with hard consequences.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke whispered, looking at Lexa’s disappointed face. “I know this affects you just as much as it does me and Finn.” Clarke said, taking Lexa’s hands into hers.

“It’s okay, Clarke. I understand.” Lexa answered, giving the blonde a weak smile as she squeezed her hands.

“You always do.” Clarke said. “I don’t know how you do it.” She whispered.

“Well.. you know.. I’m the Commander.” Lexa answered seriously. Or at least she tried.

“What—” Clarke looked at her unbelievably, then laughed and playfully hit Lexa’s hands. “Commander! Oh my God.” She laughed hard, and Lexa, shaking her head, laughed with her. “You hate it when we call you that.” Clarke said as their laugh decreased.

“And whose fault is that?” Lexa said.

“Guilty. But you can’t blame it all on me when you act so much like, if not worse than, our Commander at summer camp!” Clarke said defensively.

“It was a long time ago, Clarke. You’ve gotta let it go sometime!”

“Lucky for me! Sometime isn’t now.” Clarke answered cheekily and Lexa just rolled her eyes but chuckled anyway. Glad to have made Clarke laugh even for just a moment.

Their heads turned to Anya’s room when the door opened, and Raven came out from it.

“Clarke, what are you doing here?” She asked as she sat on the couch across Clarke and Lexa.

Clarke raised her eyebrow at her. “What are _you_ doing _there?_ ” She asked as she gestured Anya’s room. Raven grinned and was about to open her mouth when Clarke stopped her. “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”

Raven smirked. “So, how about you?”

“Just had a difficult night.” Clarke answered.

“Fight with Finn?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, you could always sleep here. Right, Lex?” Raven asked as she gave Lexa a grinned look.

Before Lexa could answer, Anya came out of her room. “Who’s sleeping here? Oh, hi Clarke.” Anya said as she walked towards Raven.

“Hey,” Clarke gave her an acknowledging smile.

“You’re sleeping here?” Anya asked Clarke while raising her eyebrow at Lexa.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Lexa frowned.

“Are you two, like, sleeping together now? Not like actual sleep, but.. you know, sex?”

“What? Anya! No, we’re not.” Lexa answered, glaring at her sister.

“Oh, okay. I just thought you are. Since, you know, after what happened at TonDC.” Anya said nonchalantly.

Lexa’s and Clarke’s eyes widened. “How did you even know that?” Lexa asked. Clarke instantly turned to Raven and glared at her.

“What? Don’t blame me.” Raven held her hands up in the air. “You know too well how my mouth works.” She said defensively, and Clarke just rolled her eyes.

“Oh god. Do all of our friends know?” Lexa asked softly, and more to herself.

“Well, if you’re sleeping here, it’s fine. Not like you haven’t done it before.” Anya said.

“Thank you for the very kind offer, An,” Clarke said sarcastically. “but I think I should get back before Finn wakes up. He was kind of.. in a bad shape.” She added, glancing at Lexa as if asking for her approval or something. Lexa didn’t think Clarke needed her approval, but she just nodded anyway as a response.

“Oh, okay. Well then, we’ll leave you two here?” Anya said pulling Raven’s hand.

“Yeah, we kinda have some unfinished business to do.” Raven said wiggling her eyebrows.

The couple disappeared into the room and Lexa and Clarke were once again left alone in the living area.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asked Clarke.

“What do you think?” Clarke answered in a slightly sarcastic way, forcing a smile on her face.

“I think… you need to take some rest.” Lexa said as she put her hand on Clarke’s back. “You look awful.” She said jokingly and laughed.

Clarke looked at her and pouted. “I do?” The blonde took her phone and used its front camera as a mirror. “Oh god, I do.” She said frustratingly. “I haven’t had any sleep since last night. Then the stress about breaking up with Finn was taking up my mind the whole day. Of course I’d look awful.” She said as she put her hands on her both her temples.

“Hey, Clarke. I was kidding.” Lexa said as she held Clarke’s face and made it face her. She looked at the pouting girl in front of her straight in the eyes. Clarke had her hair down; the space between her eyebrows was creased as she pouted; her eyes were not as bright as they normally were when exposed to sunlight, but still, just as beautiful as ever; her cheeks were a bit rosy—maybe from the cold breeze outside; and her lips, the pout on her lipstick-free lips was just so adorable that Lexa could kiss it— _‘What? Lexa, you can’t do that again.’_ Lexa thought to herself. She bit her own lip and shook away the inappropriate thoughts from her head. She then cleared her throat. “You’re beautiful, Clarke. You’re so beautiful even if you haven’t had any sleep. You’re beautiful even if you’re stressed. You’re beautiful even if you don’t think so. You’re beautiful whatever you do. You’re beautiful every time. You’re beautiful, Clarke.. and far from awful looking. You’re just.. you’re just really beautiful.. Do you understand me?” Lexa said softly as she gave Clarke her sweetest smile.

If Clarke’s cheeks were already flushed red from the cold outside, she was sure as hell that Lexa’s words just made it worse. She could feel so much heat on her cheeks she feared Lexa’s hand might actually burn from touching it. Lexa tried to hide the grin escaping from her mouth when she saw Clarke’s blush.

“Well, if you say it the way you just did I might actually think I’m the most beautiful person on earth right now.” Clarke laughed bashfully as she tried to avert the attention from her reddening face by making a joke, but knew she was failing.

Lexa smiled. “Well, that should be fine.” She shrugged. “Because you know what?” Lexa asked, but Clarke just looked at her. The brunette smiled. “I think you’re the most beautiful person on earth. Not just right now, but always.” Lexa said it with glimmer in her eyes, and smile as sweet as anyone could ever imagine.

Clarke didn’t think it was possible to blush more after Lexa’s words earlier, but she was wrong. And it was confirmed just how much wrong she was when Lexa said the next words, “Your face feels hot.” Lexa said, concerned. “Are you not feeling well?” She touched Clarke’s forehead with the back of her hand.

“Uh, no.” Clarke suddenly moved her face away from Lexa’s hands and tried to avoid looking at the brunette. “Just a little hot in here.” She said as she cleared her throat and turned her face on the other side where Lexa wasn’t seated. She started fanning herself with her hands.

Lexa frowned at the sudden avoidance, but then raised her eyebrows as she realised the reason for it. “What, Clarke.. have I made you feel uncomfortable?” Lexa asked, grinning. Clarke didn’t answer, and just continued fanning herself. Lexa laughed, finding it all very amusing and adorable at the same time. Clarke moved a little further away, but Lexa scooted closer. “Hey..” Lexa chuckled as she poked Clarke’s side. “Clarke Griffin, are you blushing because of what I said?” Lexa teased and continued chuckling, much to the blonde’s discomfort.

It wasn’t always that Lexa could make Clarke feel embarrassed, seeing as the blonde’s confidence was always over the top, but unfortunately for Clarke, Lexa’s words seemed to obliterate her usual confidence.

“I feel better now. I think I should get home.”

“Oh. Yeah, of course. I feel better, too. Knowing that I just made you blush.” Lexa grinned.

“Fine. Yes, you did. Can you blame me though? With all those stupid compliments you’re giving me.” Clarke said, feeling annoyed, and bashful, and loved, all at the same time. She didn’t know it was possible to feel that way, but it did. She’s happy. Despite what happened to her and Finn earlier, she’s very much happy right that moment. All because of Lexa. She’s happy because of Lexa.

_And she only wished it would last forever._

“I’ve always thought you’re beautiful..” Lexa said in a way that warmed Clarke’s heart some more.

“Yeah, well it’s the first time I actually heard you say it.” Clarke said softly as she smiled.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve told you that before.” Lexa frowned.

“Yeah, I know. But not the way, you know, you just said it..” Clarke said bashfully.

Lexa smiled. “I was afraid it might have given off everything I feel.” Lexa said. “Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore.” She added, but her smile waned as she saw the seriousness on Clarke’s face.  “Do you prefer I don’t say it?” Lexa asked, worry in her voice.

“No!” Clarke quickly answered. “I just..” _‘..wonder if there were many other things you withheld only so you could hide your feelings.’_ Clarke thought, but didn’t say it out loud.  
“No, you’re right. I might’ve figured everything out if you said it before.” Clarke smiled. Because everything Lexa says—she says it with full of emotions; Clarke would’ve felt it then.

Lexa smiled and nodded. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Couldn’t have been better.” Clarke answered, feeling contented. 

 

_And she wished it would last forever._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_It didn’t._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Thank you for still reading!! If you guys wanna suggest some ideas for some fluff, just say and maybe i can try to make it happen! 
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. VOTE on November 6th--TOMORROW!!


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